"I never claimed that I, nor was anything in my life perfect, I am just comfortable with everything it is." -Ashley Leger Yep. I am coining that. Send royalties via pay pal. =) Did you ever find yourself in a sense of complacency? It's not such a bad place to be. I am finding out day by day that being comfortable is in fact the place to live in peace. I was asked today how did I get to where I am at now? Which was a comment under my FaceBook status "I am in such a good place, negativity just bounces off my shoulder." I simply replied, "I asked myself What do you need most, Ashley?" and as much as I prayed on it, I claimed my sanity and peace of mind. It's so much easier for us to blame another human being for our happiness and the unfortunate UN-happiness, but it's even easier for us to pray and ask for happiness within ourselves in order to achieve the ultimate prize which is...peace of mind. I never knew how expensive peace of mind could be until I went through rough times, questioning everything that was wrong in my life. But once I got it, it was worth the cost (prayer, sacrifice, love). It's far to priceless for me to just let go, or hand off at the drop of a hat. I was explaining to a friend of mine that having peace of mind is being comfortable with all of your misfortunes along with your fortunes. Accepting the good and the bad, what you have and what you don't and being open to accepting a change within yourself. It begins with you and ends with you, once you recognize that, everything and everyone will fall in place. Everyone else may know that you are worth your weight in gold, but it doesn't mean shit if you don't know. And what could you possibly "know" if you don't have a mind? If you walk around moping, unappreciative, looking like hot garbage, do you not think others notice that? And they will treat you accordingly. It's easy to say you want to be in love and find someone to love you and promise you this fairy tale life, but the odds are it's not going to happen that way. They are circumstances and incidents that are imminent in ALL relationships, but of you want love, than that's a risk you must be willing to take. It may look to some that I have made more sacrifices than my fiance' in our relationship and it may be that way, however, I don't regret one move that I made because ultimately, I got exactly what I and my mother always wanted, a man that treats me how I treat me. That's the goal in love right? To find stability, complacency, happiness? I look back at all those decisions to "stay" and "stick through", the nights I sat up thinking I was being a fool and acting out on his foolish choices (and some of my own), wondering if I was making the right decisions, and now I thank God for taking me through that to get me here. It's not all about love, though. It's enjoying every minute of life you can. It's being okay with sleeping in an entire weekend, or looking at a basket full of clothes and saying "I will fold them tomorrow." and tomorrow turns into three days, but those three days were all about you. It's losing a close friend to "differences" and learning that everyone plays a part in this movie called "Life" and that that particular scene has ended. Soon, you will come to the realization that the only thing worth fighting for is your sanity and health. Something that made it a little easier to deal with after I lost mommy, I began to live by this "I fear nothing in life but death." It just helps me appreciate and experience what life has to offer so much more.
Super talented and super shady. Thank you, sir for "retracting" your comments about our resident "Stunt Queen" Kanye West. Although it's appreciated, I see right through your paisley printed button downs and keen eye for escorts under the age of 21. *side eye*
**photo via google**
Thanks to my fellow twitter-er, @BriePYT, I got this awesome link to the beloved roller-set and feathered hair lover Farrah Fawcett. Farrah passed in June 2009 and I celebrated her life the same weekend as mommy's with what else? Feathered hair! Peep the photo and link to how a real Barbie looks.
**photo and link via thefrisky.com**
Before watching the movie years ago, you would always hear the term "Everything happens for a reason." or its being called the "Domino Effect". But seeing it, in a fictional sense, made me question more if one particular instance, circumstance, happening, etc could falter a series of events or could make your entire lifetime different? Taken from the next thing to Google, this is the definition/ meaning of The Butterfly Effect based on the Chaos Theory via Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect: "Recurrence, the approximate return of a system towards its initial conditions, together with sensitive dependence on initial conditions are the two main ingredients for chaotic motion. They have the practical consequence of making complex systems, such as the weather, difficult to predict past a certain time range (approximately a week in the case of weather), since it is impossible to measure the starting atmospheric conditions completely accurately." This type of shit gets my wheels spinning. Let's take my life full circle with specific events and persons for example. Here goes... If I would've never watched the news for days straight with my mother the night of Princess Diana's death in 1997, would I have ever been infatuated with the Royal Family? Would that have also stopped the death of Aaliyah in 2001, which I also watched the telecasts with my mother on TV? If Aaliyah's death would've never happened, would I have moved to Dallas in 2002 to pursue a college education in Fashion? If I would've have stayed in Dallas, would the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami have happened? And if that would have never happened, that means our family wouldn't have a nickname for my niece who is named after Aaliyah, "Shamommy" (MoMo couldn't pronounce "tsunami"). If Hurricane Rita wouldn't have happened in 2005, would I have never met the man of my dreams in Houston? If i would've never met He, would I have been as prepared to take care of mommy the way I was in 2008, or would she have even been sick? If mommy wouldn't have passed in 2008, would I have gotten a puppy a week ago from He that I posthumously named "Princess Di"? I would like to think that it is and will always be God's plan and not some man-made theoretical conspiracy, but my connection to the "other" world and my beliefs in divine confirmations makes me second guess. It all makes perfect sense to me, but would it make sense in a perfect world? That's a question I wont keep asking myself. This world isn't perfect and will never be.
Brian Atwood's Balletto PVC heels.
Brian Atwood has been bringing it with the stripper shoe game. Pure awesomeness. Like, I don'tthink yall see these. OhEmmeGee. *dry heaves*
Putcho Louboutin's on and yo' Brian Atwood heels and skip to my lou my darlin' cause you're BEAT TO THE GILLS!" -DJ Fatha Julz
**photo via shoptyle.com**
No, not a white man. Just some new things I want to try with the blog. I was using my tumblr for some of my ramblings and one liners, but after realizing how much I could be putting that energy there, I could do it here. Yay me! Anyhow, it'll will be a few changes and new entries that may tickle your fancy. If you follow me on twitter, you probably know how I like to dissect pictures and videos, so that will be a new element here. In order for me to stay true to my beliefs on celebrity gossip and stick with my personal rants and opinions, I will try to do my best. With that being said, get your gossip from my baby mama MissJia!! I am excited! Are you?
Remember that prayer posted a couple weeks ago? Well, it kinda struck a cord with me. There was so much I wanted to add to that, but time didn't permit. Don't think I am going to spare you my feelings. It was coming sooner or later. Sure, I miss talking with certain people, but I appreciate my sanity even more. I grabbed my pride by the wig a couple of weeks ago and reached out to someone I was extremely close to. The fact that I had to hear by word of mouth that she was leaving the country hurt me. I couldn't imagine the thought of her leaving and us not even speaking a word. Needless to say I didn't expect the response I got, but once again, that was confirmation that things are over and time stops for no one. Everyone else is moving right along, perfectly without me. I've packed my bags of tears and I am moving along right with(out) them. So, now for me to be upset at anyone who didn't wish me congrats on my engagement doesn't hurt as much. I think back quite often of the person I use to be and the "friends" I use to have to what everything is now. I think about how perfectly everyone fit into my life back then as to who fits perfectly right now. Then I drift off to who tries to fit and just doesn't quite get it. I am talking about those who believe that they bring anything, quality, value, lobe, loyalty, honesty, into my life. When in fact, they constantly take that shit away like a thief in the night. Those that say they are a friend, however you seem to only hear from them when they are seeking. Their personal agenda is so full of "party and bullshit" they make a hoe seem like a housewife. Thinking that me and He will play Millionaire Match-Maker or that they will end up in the VIP section of a club or concert on GP. Well, not so much I, We don't like you like that. And if you are MY friend, I dare you to call He about a fucking club. If it's not regarding ME, you ain't got shit to say to He over the phone. Whether you knew He before you knew me does not make a difference. he considers you NO friend at all. I draw the line there. And now that we have made the move to the next step in our relationship, that definitely stops. It's not just about We. It's those that believe they can help me in any kind of way and they don't. I see you unsubscribing to my emails. And you claim you are "for" me. Chile, Boom and Bitch, Bye. Your papers have been served. Please don't ever think you are doing me any kind of favors. I am slowly making my mark, and I dare for any one of you hoes who "passed" on me to REACH for my glitter. No ma'am.
Recently, I shared the announcement with many regarding my recent engagement to my long time beau of 5 years. I shared this with family first and then my close friends and of course my following on FaceBook and Twitter. The marriage thing wasn't so shocking to me or anyone who knew the relationship We have, it has been talked about for a long time, I knew it would happen sooner or later, just didn't know it would happen when it did on Saturday. While I am missing that one special person to share this pivotal time in my life with, I chose to share it with others who I thought would have filled a small portion of the void with. To no avail, I felt as though I was shitted on. These people aren't blood related, just a few people that I have known for a few years and who I felt was there for me during rough times. You would think that they never believed that it would actually happen. I did not have to share anything with anyone. I don't mind sharing any good news with anyone, not even strangers. I don't care if a stranger shits on me, it becomes serious when I call you a personal "friend" that bothers me. I am hurt, but oh well. This is the time where I require lots of love and blessings from those who believe in not only me, but We as a couple. And thank you to those, I have received enough blessings. Now, I just want to begin enjoying this moment with He before the big planning begins. Trust me, I know these people will want to be there to just "see", however our love is no spectacle and they will not be there to witness. I remember everything.
I can be one funny acting biatch at times and other times I can be the sweetest biatch you know. However, my claws and *stank face* will rear its ugly head when people decide to spark up a conversation with me with these TURRBLE ass lines. If you like the way your wig is positioned, don't ever in your life initiate a conversation with me, using these lines/ comments/ statements/ bullshit or I will be forced to snatch it. -Anything regarding the passing of my beloved mother. I love discussing how beautiful she was, but I do not need you to ask me how I am doing since her passing or anything about her passing- unless we are "like" that. And you would know if we are like that. I wouldn't recommend you initiating any conversation with anyone if they have recently lost a loved one. When they are ready to speak about it, they will talk. Until then, stay your tacky ass in line. -Anything about sporting events. If you know me, you know I do not sit in front of a TV watching some burly ass men (and women) carry around a ball or whatever. I would much rather watch them throw tantrums and jig in the end-zones in person. Now, ask me about Farrah and her monotone, looney toon mom Debra, I got you covered. -What color/nationality/ethnicity are you? By far the easiest way to get that wig snatched. It is 2010. Some of us left the plantation ages ago. It is perfectly normal for light skin black people to be BLACK and nothing more. Yes, my hair is like white people but my nose says coon-ass all the way. Get the fuck over it. I was born and raised by high yellow BLACK people in Louisiana. Creole is a culture, it is not recognized as an ethnicity. I've been checking "black" by those boxes my entire life. -"Say, ma?!", "Hey, Girl, Sexy, Yella, (insert ignorant adjective/noun here)." When did saying "Hello." or "How are you?" go out of style? Be cordial and just ACT like you have some damn sense. Grown women do not need to be called a "doll", unless it's coming out of the mouth of a man who likes to be called "doll". Leave that shit to the little girls. -Where is (insert someones name who is not you)? People just love pulling names out of their asses, asking you if you seen them. Umm, fuck I look like? A keeper in the zoo? No ma'am. Don't mind me when I press my imaginary "ignore" button on you. -Any celebrity gossip story you've read off of MediaTakeOut. You'd swear to gahh that MTO is black folks CNN. No ma'am. Now great conversations starters with me are any new combo meal at Popeye's, anything Beyonce, Lady GaGa, Kanye, and anything that involves glitter (sprinkling, throwing, pouring, etc).
In all of my existence, I have been plenty of things and been from plenty of countries (according to others), but never in my life have I been told I look like I am from the motherland. No shade of course, if you want to get technical, I don't even believe my ancestry involves Africa. As far as I know, my people are from Canada, Haiti, and France. So...
Anyhow, while waiting for an incompetent customer service attendant at Sprint, a stranger (bitch) initiates a conversation with what else? "Where are you from?" Since I am asked this question so often, I already knew what he meant. But, the Shallow, Mean Girl in me would not let him make it.
Me: Excuse me? Like, technically? Stranger (bitch): What country are you from? Your background? Me: *Smirks* I am from America and I am black. Stranger (bitch): You look like my people.
Wayment. Did I mention he was 101 shades darker than me and 8 feet tall with a deep foreign accent? Okay, sir. I see you just want to make talk with me. I am not bothered.
By the way, I did google the "Fulani" people in which he referenced. Beautiful, I must say. But, I didn't see not one single picture that even remotely resembled me. At all.
I do appreciate all of the nationalities people try to stamp me with. Seriously, I do. But the moment a motherfucker tries to give me an "Oriental" stamp, Imma have to let them have it.
So, this is for the girls who aint quite girls yet. Well, only the girl's girls know they are a girl. They scared to admit it. And boo, I am a girl's girl. *snaps*
If you have seen recent pictures of O'Marion, I am sure you are wondering just WHAT is going through this negro's mind when he is digging through his chester drawer. Now, don't go blaming a stylist. O'Marion loves this shit.
Girlllll, what you carrying in that briefcase? Prissy Pank LipGlawse? Bobby Pins?
You better WERK, ya' bitch! *eyes crotch area*
She styling herself. This is just her "coming out" stage. She just excited. No worries. Now POSE. Serve that FACE. *suicide dips and duck walks simultaneously*
Do I make shit look easy? I am sure I do. Cause I do what I do with no thought, no qualms and no discussions. What I do is out of care and love. And when one does what they do for those reasons, shit is done perfectly, with zero hesitation. So, if I make what I do for you look so damn easy, why can't you do the same? Or hell, find someone else to do it...if it's that damn simple. Surely, it's not that damn easy. Overwhelming to say the least. What's the most? The rewards. The blessings I constantly receive. I am not looking for any praise or recognition, though. I just want to be appreciated. Now THAT would be too damn easy. Did I ever think I would be in the position I am in today? No. I didn't know I would be able to do it, but I am doing it and doing it extremely well. So, if what I am doing looks so damn good and easy to onlookers, why the fuck aren't they doing it? Right...cause they don't love like me. Rubbing it in your face? Nawl. I just have to remind you since you seem to forget so easily.
Lawd help. I hate to get all religious on y'all today, but I don't know whether to curse someone out, or pray about it. I'll let you know later how it turned out.
Anyway, this came RIGHT on time as I am questioning not only others value in my life, but my value in someone else's life. My Honey Tee expresses this to me all the time, so this is further confirmation that I need to sat my ass down somewhere and focus. Just thought everyone could use a little prayer in their day. Share it with someone else too.
"When God wants to bless you, He sends a person in your life.
When the devil wants to destroy you, he sends a person in your life.
How can we tell the difference? By knowing your people connections.
Your success depends on the quality of people you are connected to,
and there are two types of people you'll come in contact with throughout your lifetime:
1) those who add and multiply, making you more than you are;
2) And those who subtract and divide, thereby devaluing you.
Never allow people into your life without knowing their agenda.
Find out where they came from and why they want to be connected to you.
When a person is in your life and your life is declining, they are not a God connection!
A healthy connection will protect your self-worth even when you're experiencing a season of pain or struggling with a failure in your life. A TRUE God connection will never abandon his assignment until you reach your full potential!
Stay Blessed & have an Awesome God inspiring day!
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of the Living God, I pray you open doors for the person who sent me this as well as those I am sending it to. Only you can open doors no man can close and for that we honor you today. Thank you for the open doors of life, health, strength, prosperity, wealth, and love. Also, thank you for closing the doors of death, sickness, weakness, despair, poverty, and bitterness. We love you today Lord and give you all the glory and all the praise. I seal this prayer in Jesus name, Amen!!!
If you need God to open a door, pray this prayer for the person who sent it to you and for those you are sending it to. Believe in your heart and you shall receive what God has for you. Lord, I need a door to open... and I believe only you can give men their hearts desires, Salvation, in Christ Jesus name, Amen. "
Even though Breast Cancer Awareness Month was in October, I feel compelled to share a story with you that is enlightening and encouraging to all cancer fighters and survivors who still fight to stay healthy and happy. This story is straight from a personal journal by my aunt Kathy who was diagnosed almost a year after she lost her oldest sister (my mom) to cancer.
In May'09, I had my mammogram done and it was normal. A month later I'm lying in bed and my beloved dog Conrad, jumps on my chest and it hurt. I clutched my chest and felt a lump. I went to see my doctor. I saw his assistant first, then she went and got him. I knew something was wrong by the way they looked at one another when he examined me.
He scheduled a second mammogram. Again, those results showed nothing. I told him, "No, there is something wrong." The lump hurt when touched. He said that he could get me in to see a breast specialist. The breast specialist examined me and said the it was a cyst. I said that I wanted it removed. He scheduled a biopsy. On July 7th 2009, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. My first thought was "F- - k." I left the doctor's office in tears. I called my Mom whom I had not told about the lump, then I called my husband. I spent the next days crying in bed. When my Mom, husband and I went to see the doctor he recommended mastectomy and radiation. I told him that I wanted to go to M.D. Anderson. I came home and got on the computer and did a self referral on M.D. Anderson's website. It took two weeks to get in. My Mom and husband came with me to my first appointment. We were really impressed with the staff and doctor at M.D. Anderson. I felt like I was in the best place that I could possibly be. After a pet scan, MRI, mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy and blood work the doctor recommended 6 months of chemo, surgery and radiation. This time last year I had, had my 9th chemo. This is what I wrote in my journal: "My side effects are hair thinning, hot flashes, skin rash over 50% of my body, swollen fingers, not being able to sleep throughout the night, nose bleeds and fatigue. I was really emotional this week. I would cry at the drop of a dime. But I found out why on Thursday. I haven't had a cycle since I started chemo. When I woke up Thursday morning my right ovary was hurting. And the light bulb went off in my head. My hormones are out of whack. I was emotional like when I would have my cycle. I'm glad that I figured that out before I looked at myself in the mirror. Because when I looked at myself in the mirror I started laughing because I looked like an orangutan. Had this happened on Wednesday, I would've been crying. But today, I could laugh. On Wednesday, Oct. 14th I had blood drawn. On Thursday, Oct. 15th my chemo appointment was scheduled for 4:00pm. I was not tardy for my party. I met with the 2 clinical trial research nurses. I was finally called back at 6:45. The process went well. I was so tired. I did not eat as much ice cubes as I normally do because I slept. Needless to say my throat was sore. I was given 4mg of steroids, 30mg of RAD and the bag of Taxol. I was done at 9:30pm. Afterwards, I went to Papas and got a baked potato for dinner. I came home and watched The Real Housewives of ATL. Today, October 23rd, 2010 I've had my 6 months check up and everything is good. I am cancer free. Thanks to God and all of my family and friends for all of their love, prayers and support. I'm back running and I'm up to 6 miles. I'm feeling good, and my hair is growing back. The most important advice that I can offer is to do yourself examinations, know your body and never let a suspicious area or lump go unresolved. Insist on tests.
As most of you may already know, I had the amazing opportunity to co-host EmbraceUrLife Radio with Tiffani Walker on Wednesday interviewing Angela and Vanessa Simmons. These ladies need no introduction. They are making waves in the industry with their multi-million dollar fashion house Pastry and told us they are currently looking forward to being on the big screen in 2011.
The extremely enlightening interview with these fabulous sisters can be listen to here: http://bit.ly/d53wPN
I encourage everyone to leave a comment on the show page, expressing your opinions. If you do not have a BTR account, please email embraceurlife@gmail.com for me to be considered as permanent co-host of ELR.
Halloween is here!! Am I the only one excited? Probably not. Halloween is the only time of the year a lady can dress like a stone hoe and it be okay'd. *claps in a circle* If you are like me, haven't dressed in a costume since elementary, then it can be quite exciting to channel your creative juices for one night. Here I will give some tips to make your Halloween sexy and fun.
GOING GAGA FOR GAGA. Who's the most creative, bold and daring bitch on the planet? She is. Why not take this epic fashion moment she created and make it work for Halloween? This was my first choice of costume, but due to my big fineness and lack of LARGE size leotards at the local glitter boutique (American Apparel), I am opting for another GaGa wonder. It's pretty self explanatory. You will probably need an assistant, someone preferably with a "vision" to help you along the way. The Meat Dress. Minus the Meat. GaGa caused a stir with maggots, errr, PETA, when she donned this disKustingly sweet meat dress. Grab an assistant to help you, this requires a VISION. Now WERK. JERSEY WHORES.
Grab your raunchiest girlfriend and fist pump the night away dressed as these demure beauties, Jwwow and Snooki. Don't forget your spray tans and fake Coach purses! Owww.
BEAT YO' FACE UP.
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| Make up is key on Halloween. Fall back from the white pasty, vampire make up. Glam it up with some adhesive rhinestones for your eyes (Not like PHAEDRA PARKS), grab a pair of feathered eyelashes and some deep lip color. Don't be afraid to try the whimsical look with bright colors and designs. |
KEEP IT SEXY.
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| If you're anything like myself, you like to participate in the festivities by wearing basic black garments. Let's try to accessorize it this Halloween with some bold, gargatuan hair accessories, thigh high boots and funky tights. |
Oh, Kim. Oh, Kanye. Oh, Amber. Oh, Reggie. You sluts!! I kid, I kid. They are just living the life of rich, spoiled brats. Anyhow. Gossip aint my thang, however, it was a segment I hosted on EmbraceLifeRadio with Angela and Vanessa Simmons. Messy, I know!!
All parties have split amicably. Well, those who were in an "official" (what is that?) relationship. What is extremely odd (not really), is how Kim and Kanye seem to run into each others arms after a break up. See, Alexis and her mole. See, Amber Rose. See, Reggie Bush. See, Miles Austin. They have been spotted all over the place and Kanye was even on set of Kim's new reality show taping in NYC.
But, Amber and Reggie wasn't having that. No ma'am. They got their own fancies tickled and kicked it together a handful of times. If you may recall, one of Kim and Reggie's break ups were because of some text messages from Kanye. Oh, to be a hacker. It once got nasty when Amber and Kim took subliminal shots at each other via the Boulevard of All Things Hoeshit...Twitter.
Blah, blah, blah...it's now being reported that Kim and Kanye have made it "official."
Now someone explain to me what exactly is "official" in Hollywood terms.
Oh, how I love she. How far has she come! From cussing and cunting out her family on their MTV reality series, Kelly has become a refined beauty. Let's hope there is still some cuntactular glitter pumping through her veins. I wish her was my friend.
This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by a spectacular and eloquent woman by the name of Chaun Vaughn on her talk radio show "It's Everything with Chaun Vaughn".
We talked about everything from how I got the name "Lady Complex" to clinical depression and my hopes to work with youth who have lost a parent to addiction or an early death.
Click here to listen in the segment! And continue to support #TeamComplex!
There comes a time in all relationships when you start to ask "What's next?" Nothing wrong with that, it's just up to who you are asking. It makes sense to be asking your significant other, but have you ever thought that it makes more sense to ask yourself? If there is no talk about marriage, babies, the possibility of moving in together or whatever the next step may be, then what are you really seeking? Sure enough, talking about it won't suffice, actions must take place, but communication is key and talking is that starting point. But after how long do you "talk" about it? How long is the wait? I mean, how much is there to yap about? And could you or your partner accept the unwillingness to commit to that next step? That is the most important question. Each of you will not agree on every move. It is a give and take. But, who will be the one to compromise first? Who makes the last sacrifice to hold on? If you constantly ask these same questions and render no answers, maybe THAT is your answer.
Fashion Week slowly made its way to Houston and over the last week, I have had the pleasure of attending a few private events. Thanks to 002Houston Magazine for the special invite. I sipped on bottomless cocktails by Ty-Ku brand vodka and picked up a wine glass from Stella Ardois beer. Billy Reid had gift bags for all attendees filled with Sebastian hair products and a special issue of 002Houston Magazine.
002Houston Magazine presents: Billy Reid Fashion Show at West Houston Audi and Porsche.
Your Girlfriend's Girlfriend.
Couldn't resist. 2011 Porsche Panamera. Am I nailing that pose or what? GAG!
What is going on in the world today? There's a bishop of a mega church clinching America and his fellowship by the balls because he doesn't see why he should make any statements regarding his homosexual relationships with count them F-O-U-R young men, all the while a college student takes it upon himself to "out" his gay roommate by streaming a webcam to everyone possible. In return, we get unlimited jokes cracked about homosexuality and homosexuals, nonstop media coverage of a man who can't seem to give his followers what they deserve (which is an answer), and a young man who hasn't experienced life yet, dead from suicide.
I begin to question: Will we learn anything from this? In one month, the same amount of men who stepped up against the bishop, is the same amount who have killed themselves in one month from humiliation and pressure from their family, peers and much of society for loving someone who is JUST like them. Even a young man at the age of 15. And what's the excuse for the hate? The only "logical", if you will, explanation is because it's written. But what else? Some find it gross to see two men engaging in PDA, but in the blink of an eye is turned on by watching two women kiss. Figure out which part of the actual sin you're against and it still won't matter. God also wrote to love others and that love sees no hate.
Understand that no one lives in the same world as one another. We all lead separate lives and love who we love out of our own reasons. Who are we to question who someone loves? Who are you to take it upon yourself and broadcast what someone held close to them for the obvious reason in that was the outcome? You don't understand because you can't. You can't understand because you won't. You won't understand because you are afraid. But, you're not afraid to throw stones at a human being.
Dan Savage, a journalist and blogger of Savage Love, has started the "It Gets Better" campaign to encourage members of the LGBT community and supporters to assist in promoting a healthy and comfortable lifestyle, when the you feel the world around you hates you for loving for who love. It can only get better.
As a new season approaches, most of us clean out our closets. Out with the old and in with the new! Switching our sundresses out for sweaters and boots. I took my fall cleaning to the max this past week by completely parting with garments I have either never worn or worn once. I figured if I didn't wear it within the last 2 seasons, I never was going to wear it. After sifting through the unwanted, I decided to take my clothes to the "buy-sell-trade" consignment shops to barter for some change. I really just wanted enough to purchase a new pair of boots or a pair of jeans. Or both. For those of you not familiar with the consignment shops, I'll explain. These shops will allow you to "sell" your new or gently used garments and they will either give you a percentage of the price by cash or through a trade if you see something in the store you like.
First stop: Plato's Closet. Teeny bopper central. I don't know why I thought to stop here (first). Half the items already in the store where half my size and looks absolutely nothing like the clothes I brought to sell. While they critiqued every stitch and button on each one of my clothes and shoes, I shopped around. I found a few pairs of jeans to try on and happily found a pair of Paper Cloth & Denim brand jeans, which are one of my favorite brands. After they tallied up what was good enough to have in their store, they gave me my grand total. Thirty-eight freaking dollars. What? In all, they took a pair of Paper Cloth & Denim and Levi's jeans, a pair of suede boots from Wild Pair that I paid $150 in 2006 and only wore TWICE, a Bebe dress, Charles David shoes, a red python clutch, and an Abercrombie & Fitch sweater and all you give me is $38? Here was the outcome:
Trade Total: $38.15
Jeans: $18.00 20% Coupon: $14.40 I walked out with: $23.75 and these jeans...
Second stop was Buffalo Exchange. This is more like it. Hip and trendy, Buffalo Exchange has a little bit of something for everybody! More designer brands and accommodates to the twenty-something crowd. I carried my leftovers into the store and let the queens do their work. I picked around, tried on a cute French Connection dress (which I had too much body for) and even tried on some nice shades until they were done. This time I had nothing to trade for so, I opted for cash. My outcome was far better:
Retail Value: $202.70
Trade In Value: $170.23 Cash: $72.36
Not much of a win, but I did manage to get some cash and a nice pair of jeans out of somethings that were just collecting dust. |
(Yes. I had to.)
I was truly trying my damnedest, but I couldn't resist. In my choice to stay away from discussing religion due to it being a never ending battle, I have decided to blog about this infamous case since IMO, it's more about morality than anything else. For the longest I can remember, homosexuality has been frowned upon by much of society, following by government because people seem to justify their judgement solely based on the Bible (see PROP8). As we know, there are many dreadful souls who dissect the Bible as to what fits into their lives.
Here we have Bishop Eddie Long. A prosperous man who leads a mega church of 25,000 members. Keyword: MAN. In the past week, 4 men have stepped up, accusing Long of carrying on sexual affairs with them throughout his career as Bishop. What's wrong here? Nothing really, except for Bishop Long is married to a woman and an adversary of homosexuality, condemning those who chose to love someone of the same sex as "against God". Not to mention, the accusers state they were only 16 when the relationships had taken place, but in Georgia, it's no biggie. Under Georgia law, the age of consent is 16. On the other hand, Catholic Priests have been accused of sexual molestation for boys UNDER the age of consent. My thoughts? BULL. SHIT.
Biblically speaking, each man are guilty of the same sin. However, MAN allows LAW to override the Bible by writing rules to govern, in this case, who is of age to consent to sex. This is where it gets fucked up. Many are arguing that age is not the issue ONLY because the accusers in Bishop Long's case were of age to consent. They are right, partially. Justifiying Long's sin by law is underminding the Bible. If what is preached and taught from the Bible, sex is only to be between a married man and woman. I mean, that's what they say is written. It shouldn't matter that they were of age, which technically they were still children and of the same sex. Man has allowed children to make decisions that only a sound adult should be able to make. The same 16 year old boy is still in high school, still living with mommy and/or daddy and probably can't drive. Which is the exact same circumstances as a child under the age of 16.
People are allowing MAN to govern what we do in our daily lives, but won't acknowledge this "anointed figure" in church as the same MAN. If we would start acknowledging these figures that we have learned to listen to, admire, and adhere to their word, we should also acknowledge that this man is not God. He is not perfect and without sin. But, before us, this man should be able to acknowledge this first. A man made law should not justify sin. If homosexuality is morally wrong and condemned in church as a sin, and a homosexual is forever labeled a sinner, the circumstances regarding law should not matter. Can we say the same as a thief, or a murderer, or an adulterer? Just because I have had the same boyfriend for 8 years makes it okay for me to engage in premarital sex? The Bible says "No." The Bible has no stipulations or grants a trial to discuss how you came about this sin. A sin is a sin is a sin. And ultimately the judge is God, not a woman sitting on the front pew, and not a man with a badge or dressed in a black robe.
I don't believe this boils down to a race issue as far as the media is concerned. Majority of the Catholic Priests involved in the molestation allegations are white. It does fall into the "I never thought it could happen to me" denial. I do believe it's finally shedding light on how southern churches tear each other apart with their segregation and prejudice of religions (sometimes within the same religion), and the unfortunate becoming that more churches are now businesses. When I use the term "church", I am not only speaking on the physical church itself, but members included. I have experienced first hand criticism and antagonism against my religion and church from the choices the men (priests) have made from other religions and churches. When we all in fact, worship the same God and read from the same book and practice the same principles everyday. Times like this pastors, bishops, priests, and clergymen should recognize that under the cloaks, suits, ties and the Cross, that they are all MEN and imperfect.
I am an avid supporter of the LGBT community. I do not support those who condemn and commit to the same. Judging those for the sin you commit is nothing more than pure hypocrisy.
Who decides who picks up the tab? For instance, when there is more than one man at a dinner table, bar, or club, should women be excluded from picking up or contributing to the tab? It could be that I am old fashioned, or that I may be spoiled. Hell, it may be the company that I keep, that has me believing that this is a norm. I mean, I haven't associated with THAT many millionaires or "ballers" for "gold digging" or, if you will, mooching to be the reason why I say this to be true. It may be that I keep company who has the same principles as I, with the exception of one or two. In my opinion, I believe it all boils down to principle, reciprocity, and downright courtesy. However, I am not speaking "date" wise, or relationship wise, I am speaking on a more cordial setting. This stands for having dinner with a group of friends, be it all female or all male. I get that every ones checkbooks may not bounce in the right or same direction, but for the one who does, what's so hard about treating someone to a good meal? You would never go hungry. Not that you should be expecting it. Dinner: What a turn off (whether I like you or not), for a man to sit at a dinner table amongst other men, requesting split tabs and the women digging in their wallets to contribute. Or am I expecting some kind of chivalry from someone who is not "for" or "with" me? It's different when its a couple thing, you know, each couple pays. But, if you are a group of mutual friends or even a third wheel of a couple, is it too much to believe the couple should pay? In my eyes, the couple should pay. On the other hand, I don't see an issue treating your "favorite" couple to an evening either. If your pockets may allow. Special Occasions: I had one of my associates tell me that she didn't feel "comfortable" with inviting people to celebrate her birthday at a restaurant if they had to pay for their own food. Girl, WHAT?! I immediately replied with "that is how every one I have been to was unless I was eating off of someones stove or they were a millionaire." And anyhow, it's YOUR damn birthday. Celebrants are to NEVER have to pay for anything. You should be able to celebrate where you chose and not worry about how your guests will pay their bill. Drive Thru Windows/ Take Out: My pet peeve is pulling up to a drive thru and the person in the back seat yelling, "SEPARATE TICKETS!!" into the speaker. First of all, hoe, get out of my ear with all that *motions hands in circle* hollering and two, you're really gonna separate your $2.17 ticket from my $5.35, have us sit an extra 5 minutes at this window, trying to figure out whose meal is whose. Girl, DIE!! It's as simple as "You (or I) get me next time." A $3 or $10 difference should not break my bank and shouldn't break yours or you should be fine dining on a pack of Ramen. The biggest dispute is when the parties have different forms of payment as to why you cannot split the tab. Most restaurants can easily split the tab according to how you wish to pay. However, if your company insists on giving you the cash, or in some cases, ask you for your cash, kindly oblige and move on. Club/ Bar/ Lounge: In the event of stepping out to a bar, it's much easier to pick up the tab on a round of drinks for your friends and then relaying the message to those trying to hand you money, "Just get my next one." Easier on the bartender and a time saver. Some think its a form of "pity" when they have someone who steps up, with no discussion and pays the tab. I had a friend tell me "I aint that poor. I have drink money." Well, I definitely wasn't trying to offend her, at the time I had some extra cash on me to take care of the costs for the night. It is common courtesy, err, common sense that if your friend has picked up the parking or entry fee, you return the gesture of purchasing the first drink. Do not invite OR accept an invitation to dinner if all you are going to do the entire time is dread the moment the waiter places the ticket on the table. If you are attending a celebration for an individual, be sure to chip in to pay for their meal or portion of the celebrant's tab. If you are wary of your funds, offer a toast and purchase a drink on your dime. Regardless if none of the other party attendants are willing, you should always be willing. Definitely not trying to count anyones pockets, I thinks it's only fair. Maybe I am thinking of what's more convenient at the moment to enjoy, than thinking of mine or someone else's debit card.
I did say without a husband and not a man, right? OK, cool. Being that I have been dating the same man for the past 5 years, pretty much everyone who knows us asks when will we be taking that walk to the alter. Just for shits and giggles I may say "Not anytime soon!!", however I am beginning to feel as though I mean that. I am starting to believe that I am the only 26 year old in a serious relationship that isn't thinking of being a wife right now. Blame it on circumstances, I guess.
Marriage is never an argument between us, for I know and so does he, that we will eventually form a union under God. He speaks about it more than me, and don't get me wrong I want it as well. It wasn't 'til recently I expressed my discernment for nuptials. In return, I got utter disbelief and somber understanding. I needed to explain that of course, it has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to marry him but everything to do with who will not be there to celebrate my happiness.
I am sure everyone knows who that is, but let me give you some explanation. See, I am thinking of the day that he will pop the question and put a ring on it. *hand motions* Immediately following a super dramatic cunt fallout (like I didn't know what was coming), I'd reach for my phone and realize I wont have anyone to call. Sure, there is my dad who hopefully I'll catch him before he reaches is 3rd fifth of Taaka vodka. There are my grandparents that I love dearly, there are my aunts and uncles and plenty cousins. But, there is no mommy. There is no doubt in my mind that these people won't be as happy for me as the next, but there rejoice can't hold a candle to the excitement and joviality my mother would share with me in my moment. I am probably coming off a little trivial for my unwillingness to others whose love is just as deep for me as it ever were before.
To some it may seem as if my life circulates around the death of my mother. It damn sure does. A lot of me has changed because of that. The things I wanted before, I no longer seek and who I was before, I no longer am. The one thing that my brother and sister have that I don't and never will was to share their moment of happiness with her. Having a baby and getting married without her was something that I took for granted. Having her here was taken for granted. Not in vain to say that she always be there, just in a sense that she wouldn't die before we had our moment. Looking for a dress, making sure I invite everyone and everything moving, to having her at my side when I am taking that step to becoming the woman she raised me to be. Many might agree that I am allowing it to hold me back in life. Or perhaps, I am taking my mourning of her passing out on my current relationship. In some ways I can admit that the power of grief is overwhelming and can be considerably heavy on my daily life in general. I am just doing the best I can.
I may be reaching a bit much. I know my mother would never hold me back from my happiness. She set the bar high for being a wife and living up to that standard is like setting myself up for failure. I may be associating my future with letting go of my past. If i choose to marry without her at my side, I am forgetting about her and the dreams I cherish to have with her. It may have absolutely nothing to do with my mother, but possibly my fear of commitment. The feeling of being with one person for the rest of my life without breaking a promise not only to my husband but God as well. There are things I have to ponder on and at this point I have enough time to do so. Or do I? Will he stay if if my beliefs remain the same? Could I live for the rest of my life that way? Maybe when the time comes I will be ready.
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Having been in few serious relationships (two to be exact), it took me longer than expected to realize how important it is to have a life outside of my relationship. Fortunately, it was perfect timing and a great learning experience. Now, I feel as though my current relationship couldn't be anymore healthier. It gives you a sense of peace that your relationship is strong enough to endure a split for a couple hours. If you can't be away from someone for the duration of a night out on the town, then what life do you have? Some may take this as a plea to "leave" or " philander" for a moment, but for the others it is a good way to get an understanding of what each other seeks outside of your partnership. Each of you deserve the time apart, after all you do put in so much to make things work. There are such things as a healthy life outside of your partner and having that someone who wants you to have a life outside of the relationship doesn't hurt. It's a great feeling when you have someone that supports and respects what your wants are even if that means being apart for a weekend while you spend time with your loved ones or alone. The gesture should be reciprocated, they need their life, too. However, there are certain lines that should not be crossed in this "other" life. For instance, you shouldn't lie about your whereabouts. With any aspect of a relationship that's definite no-no and could be detrimental to your status with your partner. It could be make or break and possibly lead to many trust issues. Understand that plans change and you may not end up where you were suppose to. However, the situation could be eased by a simple text or phone call. I would definitely suggest this for women, not for checking in purposes, but for the mere fact that you are a woman and your safety should be important to your mate. If it's a simple night out with the friends, then say that. Another good point to make is to NOT show up to the same spot as your partner. Especially if your reason for going out is to have separate time for a few hours. In some cases, the choice of leisure isn't the same for you and your significant othere, so to end up in the same establishment is unlikely, unless by coincidence. It should have nothing to do with infidelity, why would you choose to attend the same event or place as your SO if you are trying to get away for the moment? It's more of a conflict of interest in my opinion. Don't make your other life a habit though. I mean, it is TWO of you. You are a couple. You should always maintain a life together. There will be those times that you may want to go to the movies (or elsewhere) and your partner may not. Well, don't let that stop you. You have a choice to either go alone or call up a friend. You are grown, so going alone should not be an issue. Which leads me to my next point. Your other life should not consist of someone else either. This goes for your girlfriends or homeboys. You need a life outside of them as well. You should be able to function and have that "me" time. This time can be spent where YOU please. It can be at a bar, club, movie theater, restaurant, park, or your bed. Try not to become so absorbed with your time. This is an easy way to become extremely selfish and your partner to become jealous or even comfortable with not doing anything with you or for you. And don't plan your "me" time around your partners "me" time. Your time is planned whenever you like it. If your partner is going for a night out, that doesn't mean play tit-for-tat and step out, too. You can use that time to catch up on some rest, your favorite television show, your favorite blog (shameless plug), or sleep. Cause, well, you know what's going down when they get back home. *smiles*
Since people want to question or put a muzzle on what others choose to discuss and who they choose to discuss it with, let me give you a history lesson. The definition of Freedom of Speech references the government objecting someones personal expressions. Who the hell are you if the government can't question my speech? "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
— The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution I've come across a few stragglers who don't appreciate what I blog or tweet about. I know I am bit much at times. I curse a lot and I don't have a filter. But, it's really a hard pill to swallow when you find out it's the people who should encourage your craft. I don't believe I am hurting anyone more than I am (was) hurt by what [has] happens in my life. While, I won't go into details about everything, we'll just say that I hit a nerve on someone from a general statement I made on twitter referred to them. Tweet stalking is a bitch with cheap heels. No, really. I'm sure she is. I hope the stalker got the message to eat hot shit on a platter. As much shit as I talk on twitter, you're mad now because I made a specific comment regarding the moronic shenanigans that took place yester-night. It lead to a screaming match over the phone and a series of nonsensical text messages advising me to discontinue "putting my business" on Twitter. Play on words: my. Sarcasm kills the messy mood. What people fail to realize is that I will speak MY story to whomever or whatever I choose. Why won't you just quit vicariously living through mine and get your own? Damn me for finding humility through my life and family's challenges. You have a mouth in which you choose to gossip over calls and texts all day. For me, I use a platform in which makes me the bad guy to some people. Remember those that gossip to you, gossip about you. Whether I blog, tweet, facebook or get on the phone with someone won't stop me from saying what I feel. Like it's a big secret about the family anyhow. When you publicly make a fool out of yourself, everyone knows. It's just easier to blame me for talking about it than taking responsibility for your simple actions. I am sorry that I was prescribed a huge dose of reality at an early age. Don't blame me for you being locked in the land of nothing, hopeless wishes and bland futures. Who's wrong here? The person who clowned themselves in front of numerous people? Or the one who made a general statement on twitter, referencing no names, regarding a particular incident? It could've been someone on TV i was talking about. I mean, how did this stalker bitch know who I was talking about? Oh yea. She's family too. What really pisses me off to find out through a rant is that some believe that I "turned my back" on my family. How so? Because I refuse to let negativity and these types of ignorant incidents ruin my life and what God has put me here to do? Because I don't sit on the phone and gossip? I am a grown woman, not a club kid. I guess since I don't participate in the daily bull shit or the fact that I go out of my way to not endure constant ridicule from those who don't see it for me makes me the villain. What do I have for you, a grown woman, that you needed from me to say that I turned my back on you? Tell me how you really feel? You can say this when you're mad, clearly that's how you been feeling. I'd like to know who else thinks this. It would make my visits less frequent and easier to steer clear from the drama and disrespect. Let's remember one thing people. I live my life how I choose. Whatever I choose to speak on, as long as it's my business I will do so. You can disagree and slander my name all you want. The people who matter knows who I am and appreciate what I do and what I am doing. This is MY blog. That is MY twitter. How ever you choose to tell you business, err, I mean story is yours. What I say online is nothing short of what I say in person. You mad now? Chile, wait 'til you read the book. Or catch me on the radio. *fake smile* |
Well, it's not really the city as whole, just a few people that make the city a pure fucking mess. It's beginning to be just "home" for me, as in when someone is sick or dead, or my family (my niece and nephew) needs me, then I'll go. And this past weekend made it a little easier to not go at all. See, way back when, I had a great group of friends, my mom was here and there were those few occassions you would hit the hole in the wall club and have a huge class reunion. Now, you're lucky to get a good meal and exit. Mommy's passed, the friends are few and far between, and the hole in the walls are well, holes. Here are the highlights low-lights.
Every year Lake Charles hosts the Tournament of the Stars, a basketball tourney that calls teams all over the US and a few "washed up" players from wherever they come from. Well, let me correct that. There was like one player that I knew that was still playing in the NBA. Anyhow, this is like All-Star for Simpletons. Everyone who is nothing will have something on this particular weekend. The ladies dress in their finest Wet Seal and Michael Antonio's and the fella's get their plaid short sets and stunna shades and roll. Normally, there is a decent afterparty on Saturday night and you can manage to have a good time. This time...nawl.
Since being a promoter is what's in these days, *sarcastic smile*, we have people running around passing out fliers planning these garbage sweat festivals. This year, I don't know who the hell "threw" (yes, threw) the party, but it was held at Chris Ardoin's new club, The Suite. Nice establishment, garbage employees. For starters, there was complete chaos at the door. Not to mention the $30 entry fee, which wouldn't have been a problem if I was going to have a ratchet good time. I don't think anyone would mind paying the fee IF it was a nice party. And why aren't the security guards at their posts? Why didn't they pick that poor boy off the ground as he was getting stomped by 5 or 6 guys? LCPD, why were you not directing traffic to get out of the parking lot? That would've probably saved the dummie who was run over after she and her friends jumped in front (and on the side) of a moving car trying to pull a girl out to fight. Oh, and guess what? That was The Suite's bartenders. How cute. Chris, please get a new team or you are sure to lose that nice place you have. You can't have all of your friends, cousins, neighbors employees running around like houligans. And to the janky promoters, when you have "hosts" to your party, please give them a nice section or something so they can be comfortable. Poor Dollicia Bryant was sitting in folding chairs against the wall without a glass of wine, not even a bottle of water. So many questions, so little answers. Le Petit Sigh.
Oh, and to the guys who spend 15 minutes unbuttoning their shirts all while talking cash shit to another man, just fight. Shit. Y'all do the fucking most. And you wonder why we can't have shit. You go places, drink a couple of shots and think you are Superman after you hear a song telling you to "throw ya sets up". I didn't think Lake Charles had sets, but okay. No one wants to party with you and all that *moves hands in circles* drama. Why take that to a place where people go unwind and get loose? I am very sure you know exactly where that man stays. Lake Charles aint but THIS big. You make it real easy to see that you have never been outside of the 210 loop.
I love my hometown and the people who make it a great city. Some of you need to evaluate your entire existance. Sad part is, some of you are my family. No need to get offended. That is if it's not you I am talking about.
| I try to steer away from the normal Hollywood gossip, but when certain sitchies hit close to home I like to speak on them from my point of view. This is a typical circumstance in everyone's life. Whether it has happened to you personally or someone you know may have experienced it. I touched on this a little while ago, but I felt the need to reiterate. Let's take the whole Swizz Beats, Alicia Keys and Mashonda debacle. At the beginning it was quite ugly, with Mashonda tweeting her life away while her then husband and his then girlfriend were traveling the world. Now, we have a divorce and a new marriage and to Mashonda, all is forgiven. So what was the big deal then? In my opinion, Mashonda was mad at the wrong person. First, she knew who she married. Her husband's relationship with Alicia was not the first extramarital affair he had. Not to even mention the fact that they were separated. To many people, that makes no difference, but if it didn't there are many other celebs who fall into that loop, too. Maybe it is different if there was no "agreement" about the separation terms. Maybe Mashonda was led on, maybe Swizz told her and she was playing the victim. I don't know. But, I do know this, Mashonda wasn't doing all this *motions hands in circles* when Swizz got another woman pregnant. We didn't know about this until...shit, recently. Was it the fact that no one "knew" this woman as opposed to A. Keys being a more tangible person to ridicule as a "home wrecker"? Let's see, A. Keys has the international fame and this unknown woman has what? Nothing. So, was it easier to kill a reputation of a woman with major success than it was to hurt another woman who had a child with your husband? Or was it more embarrassing for you to let people know about the child than for you to openly discuss with the public of the relationship he was having with another woman? Mashonda generated publicity, mainly to the black community, and basically slandered Alicia more than her husband. Jealousy, perhaps? Maybe, but that's not the issue. Was it easier to accept a baby over an affair? You would think the bigger hurt would be a child outside of your marriage. Why is it so hard for Mashonda and this baby mama to communicate? Both are on twitter. Are they oblivious to each others existence. Or, is it easier for them to pretend that each other never existed to begin with? Mashonda not wanting to admit the child as her then husband's and home girl not wanting to admit she had a baby with a married man? Denial is a whore with kitten heels. Or was it harder to know that Alicia would leave with the ultimate "prize"? The marriage, fame, money, child? But, eh. The issue here, and in many cases, is that society tends to condemn the other woman (or man) in these situations before we condemn the person who indeed broke those vows. If you're married and your wife (or husband) cheats, who is really the home wrecker? The other person may not (or may have) known about the marriage, but are they to blame as an adulterer? In my opinion, no. The other person is not the one who took those vows and made a promise to God. Is it wrong for the other person to continue the relationship after knowing? Sure. I believe in the Dean's ( all parties last names) case, this was not the issue- if a separation was in place. The home was wrecked before there was Alicia. Now everything is kosher. Mashonda has "moved on", Swizz and Alicia are married and there is a baby on the way. And where is the girl who had the baby for Swizz? Still dwelling and sending little messages to Alicia via twitter (like she even reads that shit). I hope Alicia knows who she married, but I do believe that people can change for the right reason and maybe she is the reason that Swizz will change. Until then, Swizz Beats is the home wrecker.
In the last post, I barely spoke on the little "break" I took from blogging only because I had a Barking Bitch in my ear. However, I do feel the need to explain what and why that break was necessary for me. It was not only a break from blogging, it was also a brief rest from life. I think I may have benefited more than I expected to, well, I really didn't expect to gain anything but sleep during that time and fortunately I was wrong. You would be surprised at all the noise you hear when you shut up.
When I started blogging and in the process of writing my book, I thought that I could just write and write everyday and post numerous entries on a daily. I wanted to give people something that they could feel just by reading one of my sentences. There was so much that I wanted to say but I just couldn't get it to *snap snap* TRANSLATE on to paper. Therefore, I was forced to sit and think long and hard. Piecing together sentences and stories from a cluttered mind is not what's up. Some days, I would even contemplate the whole blogging thing over and over. The book came into play, and whether I had it in my mind to finish it. To be brutal, I haven't completed another chapter in months. I don't think its a lack of attention that I have for this writing thing, I think its an abundance of respect I have for my craft and for the people who respect what I do.
To some, I may be a bench warmer in the blogging game, and that's fine. I actually would rather be in the audience anyhow, only observing how some (not all) compete against each other for clicks with mediocre (poor) writing abilities. Posting pictures along with two sentences (or one large sentence fragment with a large amount of grammatical errors) of your personal opinion of someone's attire or who's screwing who is what some think to be a blog at this moment. No shade to anyone who owns this type of blogging style. You shouldn't worry about me and my personal accounts because well, you shouldn't be competing with my blog. However, there are a few blogs that you should be checking for. Better style, better purpose and better substance.
I also thought about this whole "branding" fiasco. And that's all it is. A huge bargain. You have to learn about "who you are" and "what is your product" as a BRAND. Those two are separate when it comes to your brand. Meaning, not everyone wants to buy you and all your baggage. Just some of it. The problem I have with that is that I am who I am. My writing alias maybe Lady Complex, but I am Ashley Leger. They are both equal. I chose the name due to the whole branding process, but I came to find that if nobody wants Ashley Leger, then why would they want Lady Complex? The same thing I talk about is what I write about. My potty mouth, my attitude, my everything is me. So, if that means I will not get "bought", then okay. I don't think I was ever meant to be sold anyway.
Your "brand" goes hand in hand with who and what you chose it to be associated with. Not you as a person. It's you as a brand. Let's say, you personally hang out with a certain rapper or actress, but that person doesn't contribute to what you are trying to do or be as a brand. You have to keep those separate. Who may be a friend to me personally may not be a friend to my business. Now, in this day and age of the blogs, it's the total opposite with some people. Befriending people who are someone who could give two shits about you and your "brand" UNLESS they are benefiting from it. For bloggers that would be only mentioning, RTing or linking your blog when you are speaking highly of them.
Then there is the form of payment. I took adsense off of www.MyLadyComplex.com months ago. Not only was I not generating enough clicks to even be paid two pennies, I didn't want the driving force of my writing to be a dollar. I am by far not shading anyone who can profit off of this, because there are plenty of bloggers that get much respect from me and deserve every check they receive. But, even for some of them, there was a time when there was no money coming from blogging. And as Fresh (the reason for my blogging) said there was also a time where blogging was fun. I don't know what time she is referring to because being a loyal reader of www.Crunktastical.net for years now, I couldn't see where it wasn't fun. But now, being a blogger myself, I see what she means. In my short time, before the money, before EVERYONE and their dog was a blogger, and people were "jacking for posts" and "verbs" ((c) Fresh and Miss Jia), there was a sense of meaning to every post. Instead now the people who bullshit around the blogosphere receive more credit than those who have purpose behind what they do.
So for anyone who cares, who is asking, or whoever wants to have a great laugh, no, I am not getting paid to blog. To tell you the truth, I don't think I deserve a check from ads or anyone for that matter. For one, I am not putting enough work out to be paid and there are people who work harder than me that deserve that check. I like to think of myself as a woman of principle and integrity. So, being paid for something I am not truly giving my all to, or for something that I would call a hobby is greedy. Not that I am not giving my all to my work, I just feel that eventually when I fine tune my craft, my money will come then. What I am saying may sound a little too "selfless"; it is. My time will come and it is claimed and already written. I can't wait for that day. To those who use this blogging thing as a check, go for it. I say that blogging is the platform for my purpose.
As for the book, "The Beautiful Tragedy", you'll have to wait a little longer. I may post a few excerpts, but for now, it's on a definite hold. |
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