Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What Do You Need Most?

"I never claimed that I, nor was anything in my life perfect, I am just comfortable with everything it is." -Ashley Leger
Yep. I am coining that. Send royalties via pay pal. =)
Did you ever find yourself in a sense of complacency? It's not such a bad place to be. I am finding out day by day that being comfortable is in fact the place to live in peace. I was asked today how did I get to where I am at now? Which was a comment under my FaceBook status "I am in such a good place, negativity just bounces off my shoulder." I simply replied, "I asked myself What do you need most, Ashley?" and as much as I prayed on it, I claimed my sanity and peace of mind. It's so much easier for us to blame another human being for our happiness and the unfortunate UN-happiness, but it's even easier for us to pray and ask for happiness within ourselves in order to achieve the ultimate prize which is...peace of mind. I never knew how expensive peace of mind could be until I went through rough times, questioning everything that was wrong in my life. But once I got it, it was worth the cost (prayer, sacrifice, love). It's far to priceless for me to just let go, or hand off at the drop of a hat.
I was explaining to a friend of mine that having peace of mind is being comfortable with all of your misfortunes along with your fortunes. Accepting the good and the bad, what you have and what you don't and being open to accepting a change within yourself. It begins with you and ends with you, once you recognize that, everything and everyone will fall in place. Everyone else may know that you are worth your weight in gold, but it doesn't mean shit if you don't know. And what could you possibly "know" if you don't have a mind? If you walk around moping, unappreciative, looking like hot garbage, do you not think others notice that? And they will treat you accordingly. 
It's easy to say you want to be in love and find someone to love you and promise you this fairy tale life, but the odds are it's not going to happen that way. They are circumstances and incidents that are imminent in ALL relationships, but of you want love, than that's a risk you must be willing to take. It may look to some that I have made more sacrifices than my fiance' in our relationship and it may be that way, however, I don't regret one move that I made because ultimately, I got exactly what I and my mother always wanted, a man that treats me how I treat me. That's the goal in love right? To find stability, complacency, happiness? I look back at all those decisions to "stay" and "stick through", the nights I sat up thinking I was being a fool and acting out on his foolish choices (and some of my own), wondering if I was making the right decisions, and now I thank God for taking me through that to get me here.
It's not all about love, though. It's enjoying every minute of life you can. It's being okay with sleeping in an entire weekend, or looking at a basket full of clothes and saying "I will fold them tomorrow." and tomorrow turns into three days, but those three days were all about you. It's losing a close friend to "differences" and learning that everyone plays a part in this movie called "Life" and that that particular scene has ended. Soon, you will come to the realization that the only thing worth fighting for is your sanity and health. Something that made it a little easier to deal with after I lost mommy, I began to live by this "I fear nothing in life but death." It just helps me appreciate and experience what life has to offer so much more.

Shade Queen Numero Uno: Quincy Jones

Super talented and super shady. Thank you, sir for "retracting" your comments about our resident "Stunt Queen" Kanye West. Although it's appreciated, I see right through your paisley printed button downs and keen eye for escorts under the age of 21. *side eye*

**photo via google**

Farrah Fawcett as Barbie

Thanks to my fellow twitter-er, @BriePYT, I got this awesome link to the beloved roller-set and feathered hair lover Farrah Fawcett. Farrah passed in June 2009 and I celebrated her life the same weekend as mommy's with what else? Feathered hair! Peep the photo and link to how a real Barbie looks.

**photo and link via thefrisky.com**

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Butterfly Effect: Recurrences In My Life.

Before watching the movie years ago, you would always hear the term "Everything happens for a reason." or its being called the "Domino Effect". But seeing it, in a fictional sense, made me question more if one particular instance, circumstance, happening, etc could falter a series of events or could make your entire lifetime different?
Taken from the next thing to Google, this is the definition/ meaning of The Butterfly Effect based on the Chaos Theory via Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly_effect:

"Recurrence, the approximate return of a system towards its initial conditions, together with sensitive dependence on initial conditions are the two main ingredients for chaotic motion. They have the practical consequence of making complex systems, such as the weather, difficult to predict past a certain time range (approximately a week in the case of weather), since it is impossible to measure the starting atmospheric conditions completely accurately."


This type of shit gets my wheels spinning. Let's take my life full circle with specific events and persons for example. Here goes...


If I would've never watched the news for days straight with my mother the night of Princess Diana's death in 1997, would I have ever been infatuated with the Royal Family? Would that have also stopped the death of Aaliyah in 2001, which I also watched the telecasts with my mother on TV? If Aaliyah's death would've never happened, would I have moved to Dallas in 2002 to pursue a college education in Fashion? If I would've have stayed in Dallas, would the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami have happened? And if that would have never happened, that means our family wouldn't have a nickname for my niece who is named after Aaliyah, "Shamommy" (MoMo couldn't pronounce "tsunami"). If Hurricane Rita wouldn't have happened in 2005, would I have never met the man of my dreams in Houston? If i would've never met He, would I have been as prepared to take care of mommy the way I was in 2008, or would she have even been sick? If mommy wouldn't have passed in 2008, would I have gotten a puppy a week ago from He that I posthumously named "Princess Di"?


I would like to think that it is and will always be God's plan and not some man-made theoretical conspiracy, but my connection to the "other" world and my beliefs in divine confirmations makes me second guess. It all makes perfect sense to me, but would it make sense in a perfect world? That's a question I wont keep asking myself. This world isn't perfect and will never be.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

WERK!: Brian Atwood

Brian Atwood's Balletto PVC heels.

Brian Atwood has been bringing it with the stripper shoe game. Pure awesomeness. Like, I don'tthink yall see these. OhEmmeGee. *dry heaves* 

Putcho Louboutin's on and yo' Brian Atwood heels and skip to my lou my darlin' cause you're BEAT TO THE GILLS!" -DJ Fatha Julz

**photo via shoptyle.com**

Something New.

No, not a white man. Just some new things I want to try with the blog. I was using my tumblr for some of my ramblings and one liners, but after realizing how much I could be putting that energy there, I could do it here. Yay me!
Anyhow, it'll will be a few changes and new entries that may tickle your fancy. If you follow me on twitter, you probably know how I like to dissect pictures and videos, so that will be a new element here. In order for me to stay true to my beliefs on celebrity gossip and stick with my personal rants and opinions, I will try to do my best. With that being said, get your gossip from my baby mama MissJia!!
I am excited! Are you? 

So, I'm in my Feelings. For a Second.

Remember that prayer posted a couple weeks ago? Well, it  kinda struck a cord with me. There was so much I wanted to add to that, but time didn't permit. Don't think I am going to spare you my feelings. It was coming sooner or later.
Sure, I miss talking with certain people, but I appreciate my sanity even more. I grabbed my pride by the wig a couple of weeks ago and reached out to someone I was extremely close to. The fact that I had to hear by word of mouth that she was leaving the country hurt me. I couldn't imagine the thought of her leaving and us not even speaking a word. Needless to say I didn't expect the response I got, but once again, that was confirmation that things are over and time stops for no one. Everyone else is moving right along, perfectly without me. I've packed my bags of tears and I am moving along right with(out) them. So, now for me to be upset at anyone who didn't wish me congrats on my engagement doesn't hurt as much.
I think back quite often of the person I use to be and the "friends" I use to have to what everything is now. I think about how perfectly everyone fit into my life back then as to who fits perfectly right now. Then I drift off to who tries to fit and just doesn't quite get it. I am talking about those who believe that they bring anything, quality, value, lobe, loyalty, honesty, into my life. When in fact, they constantly take that shit away like a thief in the night. Those that say they are a friend, however you seem to only hear from them when they are seeking. Their personal agenda is so full of "party and bullshit" they make a hoe seem like a housewife. Thinking that me and He will play Millionaire Match-Maker or that they will end up in the VIP section of a club or concert on GP. Well, not so much I, We don't like you like that. And if you are MY friend, I dare you to call He about a fucking club. If it's not regarding ME, you ain't got shit to say to He over the phone. Whether you knew He before you knew me does not make a difference. he considers you NO friend at all. I draw the line there. And now that we have made the move to the next step in our relationship, that definitely stops.
It's not just about We. It's those that believe they can help me in any kind of way and they don't. I see you unsubscribing to my emails. And you claim you are "for" me. Chile, Boom and Bitch, Bye. Your papers have been served. Please don't ever think you are doing me any kind of favors. I am slowly making my mark, and I dare for any one of you hoes who "passed" on me to REACH for my glitter. No ma'am.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

With So Much Love, Must Come Hate

Recently, I shared the announcement with many regarding my recent engagement to my long time beau of 5 years. I shared this with family first and then my close friends and of course my following on FaceBook and Twitter. The marriage thing wasn't so shocking to me or anyone who knew the relationship We have, it has been talked about for a long time, I knew it would happen sooner or later, just didn't know it would happen when it did on Saturday. While I am missing that one special person to share this pivotal time in my life with, I chose to share it with others who I thought would have filled a small portion of the void with. To no avail, I felt as though I was shitted on.
These people aren't blood related, just a few people that I have known for a few years and who I felt was there for me during rough times. You would think that they never believed that it would actually happen. I did not have to share anything with anyone. I don't mind sharing any good news with anyone, not even strangers. I don't care if a stranger shits on me, it becomes serious when I call you a personal "friend" that bothers me.
I am hurt, but oh well. This is the time where I require lots of love and blessings from those who believe in not only me, but We as a couple. And thank you to those, I have received enough blessings. Now, I just want to begin enjoying this moment with He before the big planning begins. Trust me, I know these people will want to be there to just "see", however our love is no spectacle and they will not be there to witness. I remember everything.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Conversation (will never) Starters

I can be one funny acting biatch at times and other times I can be the sweetest biatch you know. However, my claws and *stank face* will rear its ugly head when people decide to spark up a conversation with me with these TURRBLE ass lines. If you like the way your wig is positioned, don't ever in your life initiate a conversation with me, using these lines/ comments/ statements/ bullshit or I will be forced to snatch it.
-Anything regarding the passing of my beloved mother. I love discussing how beautiful she was, but I do not need you to ask me how I am doing since her passing or anything about her passing- unless we are "like" that. And you would know if we are like that. I wouldn't recommend you initiating any conversation with anyone if they have recently lost a loved one. When they are ready to speak about it, they will talk. Until then, stay your tacky ass in line.
-Anything about sporting events. If you know me, you know I do not sit in front of a TV watching some burly ass men (and women) carry around a ball or whatever. I would much rather watch them throw tantrums and jig in the end-zones in person. Now, ask me about Farrah and her monotone, looney toon mom Debra, I got you covered.
-What color/nationality/ethnicity are you? By far the easiest way to get that wig snatched. It is 2010. Some of us left the plantation ages ago. It is perfectly normal for light skin black people to be BLACK and nothing more. Yes, my hair is like white people but my nose says coon-ass all the way. Get the fuck over it. I was born and raised by high yellow BLACK people in Louisiana. Creole is a culture, it is not recognized as an ethnicity. I've been checking "black" by those boxes my entire life.
-"Say, ma?!", "Hey, Girl, Sexy, Yella, (insert ignorant adjective/noun here)." When did saying "Hello." or "How are you?" go out of style? Be cordial and just ACT like you have some damn sense. Grown women do not need to be called a "doll", unless it's coming out of the mouth of a man who likes to be called "doll". Leave that shit to the little girls.
-Where is (insert someones name who is not you)? People just love pulling names out of their asses, asking you if you seen them. Umm, fuck I look like? A keeper in the zoo? No ma'am. Don't mind me when I press my imaginary "ignore" button on you.
-Any celebrity gossip story you've read off of MediaTakeOut. You'd swear to gahh that MTO is black folks CNN. No ma'am.
Now great conversations starters with me are any new combo meal at Popeye's, anything Beyonce, Lady GaGa, Kanye, and anything that involves glitter (sprinkling, throwing, pouring, etc).

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I Look Like What?

In all of my existence, I have been plenty of things and been from plenty of countries (according to others), but never in my life have I been told I look like I am from the motherland. No shade of course, if you want to get technical, I don't even believe my ancestry involves Africa. As far as I know, my people are from Canada, Haiti, and France. So...

Anyhow, while waiting for an incompetent customer service attendant at Sprint, a stranger (bitch) initiates a conversation with what else? "Where are you from?" Since I am asked this question so often, I already knew what he meant. But, the Shallow, Mean Girl in me would not let him make it.

Me: Excuse me? Like, technically?
Stranger (bitch): What country are you from? Your background?
Me: *Smirks* I am from America and I am black.
Stranger (bitch): You look like my people.

Wayment. Did I mention he was 101 shades darker than me and 8 feet tall with a deep foreign accent? Okay, sir. I see you just want to make talk with me. I am not bothered.

By the way, I did google the "Fulani" people in which he referenced. Beautiful, I must say. But, I didn't see not one single picture that even remotely resembled me. At all.

I do appreciate all of the nationalities people try to stamp me with. Seriously, I do. But the moment a motherfucker tries to give me an "Oriental" stamp, Imma have to let them have it.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hey, Girl: O'Marion

So, this is for  the girls who aint quite girls yet. Well, only the girl's girls know they are a girl. They scared to admit it. And boo, I am a girl's girl. *snaps*

If you have seen recent pictures of O'Marion, I am sure you are wondering just WHAT is going through this negro's mind when he is digging through his chester drawer. Now, don't go blaming a stylist. O'Marion loves this shit.

Girlllll, what you carrying in that briefcase? Prissy Pank LipGlawse? Bobby Pins?

You better WERK, ya' bitch! *eyes crotch area*

She styling herself. This is just her "coming out" stage. She just excited. No worries. Now POSE. Serve that FACE. *suicide dips and duck walks simultaneously*

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Do I make shit look easy? I am sure I do. Cause I do what I do with no thought, no qualms and no discussions. What I do is out of care and love. And when one does what they do for those reasons, shit is done perfectly, with zero hesitation. So, if I make what I do for you look so damn easy, why can't you do the same? Or hell, find someone else to do it...if it's that damn simple.
Surely, it's not that damn easy. Overwhelming to say the least. What's the most? The rewards. The blessings I constantly receive. I am not looking for any praise or recognition, though. I just want to be appreciated. Now THAT would be too damn easy.
Did I ever think I would be in the position I am in today? No. I didn't know I would be able to do it, but I am doing it and doing it extremely well. So, if what I am doing looks so damn good and easy to onlookers, why the fuck aren't they doing it? Right...cause they don't love like me. Rubbing it in your face? Nawl. I just have to remind you since you seem to forget so easily.  

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

From My Inbox: Needed Prayer

Lawd help. I hate to get all religious on y'all today,  but I don't know whether to curse someone out, or pray about it. I'll let you know later how it turned out.

Anyway, this came RIGHT on time as I am questioning not only others value in my life, but my value in someone else's life. My Honey Tee expresses this to me all the time, so this is further confirmation that I need to sat my ass down somewhere and focus. Just thought everyone could use a little prayer in their day. Share it with someone else too.

"When God wants to bless you, He sends a person in your life.
When the devil wants to destroy you, he sends a person in your life.
How can we tell the difference?
By knowing your people connections.
Your success depends on the quality of people you are connected to,
and there are two types of people you'll come in contact with throughout your lifetime:

1) those who add and multiply, making you more than you are;
2) And those who subtract and divide, thereby devaluing you.

Never allow people into your life without knowing their agenda.
Find out where they came from and why they want to be connected to you.
When a person is in your life and your life is declining, they are not a God connection!
A healthy connection will protect your self-worth even when you're experiencing a season of pain or struggling with a failure in your life.
A TRUE God connection will never abandon his assignment until you reach your full potential!
Stay Blessed & have an Awesome God inspiring day!
, in the name of Jesus Christ the Son of the Living God, I pray you open doors for the person who sent me this as well as those I am sending it to. Only you can open doors no man can close and for that we honor you today. Thank you for the open doors of life, health, strength, prosperity, wealth, and love. Also, thank you for closing the doors of death, sickness, weakness, despair, poverty, and bitterness. We love you today Lord and give you all the glory and all the praise. I seal this prayer in Jesus name, Amen!!!

If you need God to open a door, pray this prayer for the person who sent it to you and for those you are sending it to. Believe in
your heart and you shall receive what God has for you.

Lord, I need a door to open... and I believe only you can give men their hearts desires, Salvation, in Christ Jesus name, Amen. "

Breat Cancer Awareness: It's Not Over

Even though Breast Cancer Awareness Month was in October, I feel compelled to share a story with you that is enlightening and encouraging to all cancer fighters and survivors who still fight to stay healthy and happy. This story is straight from a personal journal by my aunt Kathy who was diagnosed almost a year after she lost her oldest sister (my mom) to cancer.

In May'09, I had my mammogram done and it was normal. A month later I'm lying in bed and my beloved dog Conrad, jumps on my chest and  it hurt. I clutched my chest and felt a lump. I went to see my doctor. I saw his assistant first, then she went and got him. I knew something was wrong by the way they looked at one another when he examined me.

He scheduled a second mammogram. Again, those results showed nothing. I told him, "No, there is something wrong."  The lump hurt when touched. He said that he could get me in to see a breast specialist. The breast specialist examined me and said the it was a cyst. I said that I wanted it removed. He scheduled a biopsy. On July 7th 2009, I was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer. My first thought was  "F- - k." I left the doctor's office in tears. I called my Mom whom I had not told about the lump, then I called my husband. I spent the next days crying in bed. When my Mom, husband and I went to see the doctor he  recommended mastectomy and radiation. I told him that I wanted to go to M.D. Anderson. I came home and got on the computer and did a self referral on M.D. Anderson's website. It took two weeks to get in.  My Mom and husband came with me to my first appointment. We were really impressed with the staff and doctor at M.D. Anderson. I felt like I was in the best place that I could possibly be. After a pet scan, MRI, mammogram, ultrasound, biopsy and  blood work  the doctor recommended 6 months of chemo, surgery and radiation. This time last year I had, had my 9th chemo. This is what I wrote in my journal:


"My side effects are hair thinning, hot flashes, skin rash over 50% of my body, swollen fingers, not being able to sleep throughout the night, nose bleeds and fatigue.

I was really emotional this week. I would cry at the drop of a dime.

But I found out why on Thursday. I haven't had a cycle since I started chemo. When I woke up Thursday morning my right ovary was hurting. And the light bulb went off in my head. My hormones are out of whack. I was emotional like when I would have my cycle. I'm glad that I figured that out before I looked at myself in the mirror. Because when I looked at myself in the mirror I started laughing because I looked like an orangutan. Had this happened on Wednesday, I would've been crying. But today, I could laugh.  


On Wednesday, Oct. 14th I had blood drawn.


On Thursday, Oct. 15th my chemo appointment was scheduled for 4:00pm. I was not tardy for my party. I met with the 2 clinical trial research nurses. I was finally called back at 6:45.  The process went well. I was so tired. I did not eat as much ice cubes as I normally do because I slept. Needless to say my throat was sore. I was given 4mg of steroids, 30mg of RAD and the bag of Taxol. I was done at 9:30pm. Afterwards, I went to Papas and got a baked potato for dinner. I came home and watched The Real Housewives of ATL.


Today, October 23rd, 2010 I've had my 6 months check up and everything is good. I am cancer free. Thanks to God and all of my family and friends for all of their love, prayers and support. I'm back running and I'm up to 6 miles. I'm feeling good, and my hair is growing back. The most important advice that I can offer is to do yourself examinations, know your

body and never let a suspicious area or lump go unresolved. Insist on tests.