Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Your Life...Outside of Your Partner

Having been in few serious relationships (two to be exact), it took me longer than expected to realize how important it is to have a life outside of my relationship. Fortunately, it was perfect timing and a great learning experience. Now, I feel as though my current relationship couldn't be anymore healthier. It gives you a sense of peace that your relationship is strong enough to endure a split for a couple hours. If you can't be away from someone for the duration of a night out on the town, then what life do you have?  Some may take this as a plea to "leave" or " philander" for a moment, but for the others it is a good way to get an understanding of what each other seeks outside of your partnership. Each of you deserve the time apart, after all you do put in so much to make things work. There are such things as a healthy life outside of your partner and having that someone who wants you to have a life outside of the relationship doesn't hurt. It's a great feeling when you have someone that supports and respects what your wants are even if that means being apart for a weekend while you spend time with your loved ones or alone. The gesture should be reciprocated, they need their life, too. However, there are certain lines that should not be crossed in this "other" life.
For instance, you shouldn't lie about your whereabouts. With any aspect of a relationship that's definite no-no and could be detrimental to your status with your partner. It could be make or break and possibly lead to many trust issues. Understand that plans change and you may not end up where you were suppose to. However, the situation could be eased by a simple text or phone call. I would definitely suggest this for women, not for checking in purposes, but for the mere fact that you are a woman and your safety should be important to your mate. If it's a simple night out with the friends, then say that.
Another good point to make is to NOT show up to the same spot as your partner. Especially if your reason for going out is to have separate time for a few hours. In some cases, the choice of leisure isn't the same for you and your significant othere, so to end up in the same establishment is unlikely, unless by coincidence. It should have nothing to do with infidelity, why would you choose to attend the same event or place as your SO if you are trying to get away for the moment? It's more of a conflict of interest in my opinion.
Don't make your other life a habit though. I mean, it is TWO of you. You are a couple. You should always maintain a life together. There will be those times that you may want to go to the movies (or elsewhere) and your partner may not. Well, don't let that stop you. You have a choice to either go alone or call up a friend. You are grown, so going alone should not be an issue. Which leads me to my next point.
Your other life should not consist of someone else either. This goes for your girlfriends or homeboys. You need a life outside of them as well. You should be able to function and have that "me" time. This time can be spent where YOU please. It can be at a bar, club, movie theater, restaurant, park, or your bed. Try not to become so absorbed with your time. This is an easy way to become extremely selfish and your partner to become jealous or even comfortable with not doing anything with you or for you. And don't plan your "me" time around your partners "me" time. Your time is planned whenever you like it. If your partner is going for a night out, that doesn't mean play tit-for-tat and step out, too. You can use that time to catch up on some rest, your favorite television show, your favorite blog (shameless plug), or sleep. Cause, well, you know what's going down when they get back home. *smiles*

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Silence Is a Girl With No Tongue

Since people want to question or put a muzzle on what others choose to discuss and who they choose to discuss it with, let me give you a history lesson. The definition of Freedom of Speech references the government objecting someones personal expressions. Who the hell are you if the government can't question my speech?


"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
— The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution
I've come across a few stragglers who don't appreciate what I blog or tweet about. I know I am bit much at times. I curse a lot and I don't have a filter. But, it's really a hard pill to swallow when you find out it's the people who should encourage your craft. I don't believe I am hurting anyone more than I am (was) hurt by what [has] happens in my life. While, I won't go into details about everything, we'll just say that I hit a nerve on someone from a general statement I made on twitter referred to them. Tweet stalking is a bitch with cheap heels. No, really. I'm sure she is. I hope the stalker got the message to eat hot shit on a platter. As much shit as I talk on twitter, you're mad now because I made a specific comment regarding the moronic shenanigans that took place yester-night. It lead to a screaming match over the phone and a series of nonsensical text messages advising me to discontinue "putting my business" on Twitter. Play on words: my. Sarcasm kills the messy mood.
What people fail to realize is that I will speak MY story to whomever or whatever I choose. Why won't you just quit vicariously living through mine and get your own? Damn me for finding humility through my life and family's challenges. You have a mouth in which you choose to gossip over calls and texts all day. For me, I use a platform in which makes me the bad guy to some people. Remember those that gossip to you, gossip about you. Whether I blog, tweet, facebook or get on the phone with someone won't stop me from saying what I feel. Like it's a big secret about the family anyhow. When you publicly make a fool out of yourself, everyone knows. It's just easier to blame me for talking about it than taking responsibility for your simple actions. I am sorry that I was prescribed a huge dose of reality at an early age. Don't blame me for you being locked in the land of nothing, hopeless wishes and bland futures.
Who's wrong here? The person who clowned themselves in front of numerous people? Or the one who made a general statement on twitter, referencing no names, regarding a particular incident? It could've been someone on TV i was talking about. I mean, how did this stalker bitch know who I was talking about? Oh yea. She's family too. What really pisses me off to find out through a rant is that some believe that I "turned my back" on my family. How so? Because I refuse to let negativity and these types of ignorant incidents ruin my life and what God has put me here to do? Because I don't sit on the phone and gossip? I am a grown woman, not a club kid. I guess since I don't participate in the daily bull shit or the fact that I go out of my way to not endure constant ridicule from those who don't see it for me makes me the villain. What do I have for you, a grown woman, that you needed from me to say that I turned my back on you? Tell me how you really feel? You can say this when you're mad, clearly that's how you been feeling. I'd like to know who else thinks this. It would make my visits less frequent and easier to steer clear from the drama and disrespect.
Let's remember one thing people. I live my life how I choose. Whatever I choose to speak on, as long as it's my business I will do so. You can disagree and slander my name all you want. The people who matter knows who I am and appreciate what I do and what I am doing. This is MY blog. That is MY twitter. How ever you choose to tell you business, err, I mean story is yours. What I say online is nothing short of what I say in person. You mad now? Chile, wait 'til you read the book. Or catch me on the radio. *fake smile* 

Monday, August 16, 2010

Lake Charles: A WalMart, Sweaty Black Club & Ratchet Guhls and Boys

Well, it's not really the city as whole, just a few people that make the city a pure fucking mess. It's beginning to be just "home" for me, as in when someone is sick or dead, or my family (my niece and nephew) needs me, then I'll go. And this past weekend made it a little easier to not go at all. See, way back when, I had a great group of friends, my mom was here and there were those few occassions you would hit the hole in the wall club and have a huge class reunion. Now, you're lucky to get a good meal and exit. Mommy's passed, the friends are few and far between, and the hole in the walls are well, holes. Here are the highlights low-lights.

Every year Lake Charles hosts the Tournament of the Stars, a basketball tourney that calls teams all over the US and a few "washed up" players from wherever they come from. Well, let me correct that. There was like one player that I knew that was still playing in the NBA. Anyhow, this is like All-Star for Simpletons. Everyone who is nothing will have something on this particular weekend. The ladies dress in their finest Wet Seal and Michael Antonio's and the fella's get their plaid short sets and stunna shades and roll. Normally, there is a decent afterparty on Saturday night and you can manage to have a good time. This time...nawl.

Since being a promoter is what's in these days, *sarcastic smile*, we have people running around passing out fliers planning these garbage sweat festivals. This year, I don't know who the hell "threw" (yes, threw) the party, but it was held at Chris Ardoin's new club, The Suite. Nice establishment, garbage employees. For starters, there was complete chaos at the door. Not to mention the $30 entry fee, which wouldn't have been a problem if I was going to have a ratchet good time. I don't think anyone would mind paying the fee IF it was a nice party. And why aren't the security guards at their posts? Why didn't they pick that poor boy off the ground as he was getting stomped by 5 or 6 guys? LCPD, why were you not directing traffic to get out of the parking lot? That would've probably saved the dummie who was run over after she and her friends jumped in front (and on the side) of a moving car trying to pull a girl out to fight. Oh, and guess what? That was The Suite's bartenders. How cute. Chris, please get a new team or you are sure to lose that nice place you have. You can't have all of your friends, cousins, neighbors employees running around like houligans. And to the janky promoters, when you have "hosts" to your party, please give them a nice section or something so they can be comfortable. Poor Dollicia Bryant was sitting in folding chairs against the wall without a glass of wine, not even a bottle of water. So many questions, so little answers. Le Petit Sigh.

Oh, and to the guys who spend 15 minutes unbuttoning their shirts all while talking cash shit to another man, just fight. Shit. Y'all do the fucking most. And you wonder why we can't have shit. You go places, drink a couple of shots and think you are Superman after you hear a song telling you to "throw ya sets up". I didn't think Lake Charles had sets, but okay. No one wants to party with you and all that *moves hands in circles* drama. Why take that to a place where people go unwind and get loose? I am very sure you know exactly where that man stays. Lake Charles aint but THIS big. You make it real easy to see that you have never been outside of the 210 loop.

 I love my hometown and the people who make it a great city. Some of you need to evaluate your entire existance. Sad part is, some of you are my family. No need to get offended. That is if it's not you I am talking about.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Who's to Blame?: The Mashonda Effect

I try to steer away from the normal Hollywood gossip, but when certain sitchies hit close to home I like to speak on them from my point of view. This is a typical circumstance in everyone's life. Whether it has happened to you personally or someone you know may have experienced it. I touched on this a little while ago, but I felt the need to reiterate.
Let's take the whole Swizz Beats, Alicia Keys and Mashonda debacle. At the beginning it was quite ugly, with Mashonda tweeting her life away while her then husband and his then girlfriend were traveling the world. Now, we have a divorce and a new marriage and to Mashonda, all is forgiven. So what was the big deal then?
In my opinion, Mashonda was mad at the wrong person. First, she knew who she married. Her husband's relationship with Alicia was not the first extramarital affair he had. Not to even mention the fact that they were separated. To many people, that makes no difference, but if it didn't there are many other celebs who fall into that loop, too. Maybe it is different if there was no "agreement" about the separation terms. Maybe Mashonda was led on, maybe Swizz told her and she was playing the victim. I don't know. But, I do know this, Mashonda wasn't doing all this *motions hands in circles* when Swizz got another woman pregnant. We didn't know about this until...shit, recently.
Was it the fact that no one "knew" this woman as opposed to A. Keys being a more tangible person to ridicule as a "home wrecker"? Let's see, A. Keys has the international fame and this unknown woman has what? Nothing. So, was it easier to kill a reputation of a woman with major success than it was to hurt another woman who had a child with your husband? Or was it more embarrassing for you to let people know about the child than for you to openly discuss with the public of the relationship he was having with another woman? Mashonda generated publicity, mainly to the black community, and basically slandered Alicia more than her husband. Jealousy, perhaps? Maybe, but that's not the issue. Was it easier to accept a baby over an affair? You would think the bigger hurt would be a child outside of your marriage. Why is it so hard for Mashonda and this baby mama to communicate? Both are on twitter. Are they oblivious to each others existence. Or, is it easier for them to pretend that each other never existed to begin with? Mashonda not wanting to admit the child as her then husband's and home girl not wanting to admit she had a baby with a married man? Denial is a whore with kitten heels. Or was it harder to know that Alicia would leave with the ultimate "prize"? The marriage, fame, money, child? But, eh.
The issue here, and in many cases, is that society tends to condemn the other woman (or man) in these situations before we condemn the person who indeed broke those vows. If you're married and your wife (or husband) cheats, who is really the home wrecker? The other person may not (or may have) known about the marriage, but are they to blame as an adulterer? In my opinion, no. The other person is not the one who took those vows and made a promise to God. Is it wrong for the other person to continue the relationship after knowing? Sure. I believe in the Dean's ( all parties last names) case, this was not the issue- if a separation was in place. The home was wrecked before there was Alicia.
Now everything is kosher. Mashonda has "moved on", Swizz and Alicia are married and there is a baby on the way. And where is the girl who had the baby for Swizz? Still dwelling and sending little messages to Alicia via twitter (like she even reads that shit). I hope Alicia knows who she married, but I do believe that people can change for the right reason and maybe she is the reason that Swizz will change. Until then, Swizz Beats is the home wrecker.