Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Your Life...Outside of Your Partner

Having been in few serious relationships (two to be exact), it took me longer than expected to realize how important it is to have a life outside of my relationship. Fortunately, it was perfect timing and a great learning experience. Now, I feel as though my current relationship couldn't be anymore healthier. It gives you a sense of peace that your relationship is strong enough to endure a split for a couple hours. If you can't be away from someone for the duration of a night out on the town, then what life do you have?  Some may take this as a plea to "leave" or " philander" for a moment, but for the others it is a good way to get an understanding of what each other seeks outside of your partnership. Each of you deserve the time apart, after all you do put in so much to make things work. There are such things as a healthy life outside of your partner and having that someone who wants you to have a life outside of the relationship doesn't hurt. It's a great feeling when you have someone that supports and respects what your wants are even if that means being apart for a weekend while you spend time with your loved ones or alone. The gesture should be reciprocated, they need their life, too. However, there are certain lines that should not be crossed in this "other" life.
For instance, you shouldn't lie about your whereabouts. With any aspect of a relationship that's definite no-no and could be detrimental to your status with your partner. It could be make or break and possibly lead to many trust issues. Understand that plans change and you may not end up where you were suppose to. However, the situation could be eased by a simple text or phone call. I would definitely suggest this for women, not for checking in purposes, but for the mere fact that you are a woman and your safety should be important to your mate. If it's a simple night out with the friends, then say that.
Another good point to make is to NOT show up to the same spot as your partner. Especially if your reason for going out is to have separate time for a few hours. In some cases, the choice of leisure isn't the same for you and your significant othere, so to end up in the same establishment is unlikely, unless by coincidence. It should have nothing to do with infidelity, why would you choose to attend the same event or place as your SO if you are trying to get away for the moment? It's more of a conflict of interest in my opinion.
Don't make your other life a habit though. I mean, it is TWO of you. You are a couple. You should always maintain a life together. There will be those times that you may want to go to the movies (or elsewhere) and your partner may not. Well, don't let that stop you. You have a choice to either go alone or call up a friend. You are grown, so going alone should not be an issue. Which leads me to my next point.
Your other life should not consist of someone else either. This goes for your girlfriends or homeboys. You need a life outside of them as well. You should be able to function and have that "me" time. This time can be spent where YOU please. It can be at a bar, club, movie theater, restaurant, park, or your bed. Try not to become so absorbed with your time. This is an easy way to become extremely selfish and your partner to become jealous or even comfortable with not doing anything with you or for you. And don't plan your "me" time around your partners "me" time. Your time is planned whenever you like it. If your partner is going for a night out, that doesn't mean play tit-for-tat and step out, too. You can use that time to catch up on some rest, your favorite television show, your favorite blog (shameless plug), or sleep. Cause, well, you know what's going down when they get back home. *smiles*

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