Tuesday, November 30, 2010

What Do You Need Most?

"I never claimed that I, nor was anything in my life perfect, I am just comfortable with everything it is." -Ashley Leger
Yep. I am coining that. Send royalties via pay pal. =)
Did you ever find yourself in a sense of complacency? It's not such a bad place to be. I am finding out day by day that being comfortable is in fact the place to live in peace. I was asked today how did I get to where I am at now? Which was a comment under my FaceBook status "I am in such a good place, negativity just bounces off my shoulder." I simply replied, "I asked myself What do you need most, Ashley?" and as much as I prayed on it, I claimed my sanity and peace of mind. It's so much easier for us to blame another human being for our happiness and the unfortunate UN-happiness, but it's even easier for us to pray and ask for happiness within ourselves in order to achieve the ultimate prize which is...peace of mind. I never knew how expensive peace of mind could be until I went through rough times, questioning everything that was wrong in my life. But once I got it, it was worth the cost (prayer, sacrifice, love). It's far to priceless for me to just let go, or hand off at the drop of a hat.
I was explaining to a friend of mine that having peace of mind is being comfortable with all of your misfortunes along with your fortunes. Accepting the good and the bad, what you have and what you don't and being open to accepting a change within yourself. It begins with you and ends with you, once you recognize that, everything and everyone will fall in place. Everyone else may know that you are worth your weight in gold, but it doesn't mean shit if you don't know. And what could you possibly "know" if you don't have a mind? If you walk around moping, unappreciative, looking like hot garbage, do you not think others notice that? And they will treat you accordingly. 
It's easy to say you want to be in love and find someone to love you and promise you this fairy tale life, but the odds are it's not going to happen that way. They are circumstances and incidents that are imminent in ALL relationships, but of you want love, than that's a risk you must be willing to take. It may look to some that I have made more sacrifices than my fiance' in our relationship and it may be that way, however, I don't regret one move that I made because ultimately, I got exactly what I and my mother always wanted, a man that treats me how I treat me. That's the goal in love right? To find stability, complacency, happiness? I look back at all those decisions to "stay" and "stick through", the nights I sat up thinking I was being a fool and acting out on his foolish choices (and some of my own), wondering if I was making the right decisions, and now I thank God for taking me through that to get me here.
It's not all about love, though. It's enjoying every minute of life you can. It's being okay with sleeping in an entire weekend, or looking at a basket full of clothes and saying "I will fold them tomorrow." and tomorrow turns into three days, but those three days were all about you. It's losing a close friend to "differences" and learning that everyone plays a part in this movie called "Life" and that that particular scene has ended. Soon, you will come to the realization that the only thing worth fighting for is your sanity and health. Something that made it a little easier to deal with after I lost mommy, I began to live by this "I fear nothing in life but death." It just helps me appreciate and experience what life has to offer so much more.


CamyBlue said...

I thoroughly enjoyed reading that post! Idk if I agree with your views about love but then again i have not been in love as of yet. Now, when I do fall in love, I will come back to this post and read it again to see if I still feel the same way. I agree 1000% with everything else.

LadyComplex said...

CamyBlue, start claiming your love honey. and its good to find your peace before that, i didnt have that option. i can only imagine less heartache. thx for commenting. =)