Friday, November 12, 2010

Conversation (will never) Starters

I can be one funny acting biatch at times and other times I can be the sweetest biatch you know. However, my claws and *stank face* will rear its ugly head when people decide to spark up a conversation with me with these TURRBLE ass lines. If you like the way your wig is positioned, don't ever in your life initiate a conversation with me, using these lines/ comments/ statements/ bullshit or I will be forced to snatch it.
-Anything regarding the passing of my beloved mother. I love discussing how beautiful she was, but I do not need you to ask me how I am doing since her passing or anything about her passing- unless we are "like" that. And you would know if we are like that. I wouldn't recommend you initiating any conversation with anyone if they have recently lost a loved one. When they are ready to speak about it, they will talk. Until then, stay your tacky ass in line.
-Anything about sporting events. If you know me, you know I do not sit in front of a TV watching some burly ass men (and women) carry around a ball or whatever. I would much rather watch them throw tantrums and jig in the end-zones in person. Now, ask me about Farrah and her monotone, looney toon mom Debra, I got you covered.
-What color/nationality/ethnicity are you? By far the easiest way to get that wig snatched. It is 2010. Some of us left the plantation ages ago. It is perfectly normal for light skin black people to be BLACK and nothing more. Yes, my hair is like white people but my nose says coon-ass all the way. Get the fuck over it. I was born and raised by high yellow BLACK people in Louisiana. Creole is a culture, it is not recognized as an ethnicity. I've been checking "black" by those boxes my entire life.
-"Say, ma?!", "Hey, Girl, Sexy, Yella, (insert ignorant adjective/noun here)." When did saying "Hello." or "How are you?" go out of style? Be cordial and just ACT like you have some damn sense. Grown women do not need to be called a "doll", unless it's coming out of the mouth of a man who likes to be called "doll". Leave that shit to the little girls.
-Where is (insert someones name who is not you)? People just love pulling names out of their asses, asking you if you seen them. Umm, fuck I look like? A keeper in the zoo? No ma'am. Don't mind me when I press my imaginary "ignore" button on you.
-Any celebrity gossip story you've read off of MediaTakeOut. You'd swear to gahh that MTO is black folks CNN. No ma'am.
Now great conversations starters with me are any new combo meal at Popeye's, anything Beyonce, Lady GaGa, Kanye, and anything that involves glitter (sprinkling, throwing, pouring, etc).


Victoria said...

Love this post. Wish I could share it.

Lady Complex said...

Victoria! Please share the link!! I appreciate it so!