Thursday, February 11, 2010

Suicide Watch

On to a more serious note. The fashion world has lost an icon, Alexander McQueen, was said to have committed suicide. The talk is that it was prompted by the death of his mother about a week ago. So many can ask "was it that bad?"Technically, yes, it could've been that bad. Being that I have been to the place he was before he decided to end it all, I will say that I will never question someone's decision over their own life.

Losing my mother was like losing myself. She meant everything to me. There is not a day that goes by without a thought about her. I go to be every night with hopes of her visiting me in my dreams. I would give up everything to have her here today. She means more than any amount of money could buy.

No matter what material possessions, friends, future, etc, that may "look" good, may not always be good. Having millions, celeb friends, and a bright future is nothing when it comes to self. Self is who you have to deal with when all of that is gone. When there is nothing left to buy with your millions, your friends are elsewhere, and your future is a mere figment of your imagination, all you have left is self judgement. During my deepest days of depression after losing her, the last thing on my mind was money, friends, family, materialistic items or my future. It was self. Jumping out of an alcohol induced binge, I then realized that I was worth more than losing. I had people that looked up to me and loved me. But some do not make it out of that stage. I thank God that I did and in the same prayer, I pray for those that didn't/ won't.

Many would say that they are too "selfish" to take their own life, well how selfish is it to questions someone elses decision of their own?

I am not condoning "suicide" by any means. I have been in that dark place and lost people who were close to me that never made the more selfless decision.

"When you are alone, it's a dark and cold place."

4 comments:

Alicia said...

GIRL!!!

I know exactly how you feel. When I lost my dad and grandmother, I felt the exact same way and would be lying if I didn't consider ending it. I did. Nothing else mattered, I was just broken.

I wish people wouldn't judge...especially when they haven't been through the same situation.

Lady Complex said...

Ppl are judgemental about everything. its soo sad that u would choose materialistics over life. if ur not happy, u not happy.

Mari said...

I have always struggled with the thought of suicide being a "selfish" act. I can understand from an outsider's point of view but I also have an intimate experience with the suffering of those considering suicide. What seems to others as selfish seems to the one suffering as relief from excruciating pain. Who is really selfish in this situation?

Doug said...

I have been there before where I thought of ending it. But to me it was selfish because there were more ppl that cared about me than didnt.

I can't say I'd be that rational if my mother were to die right now, and I can't judge. Good blog yet again.