Friday, February 19, 2010

I'm Emotional, and I Can't Let Go

My emotions change by the hour. I'm either extremely happy, extremely sad, or ridiculously mad. Either way, my emotions are making me a stronger woman. Normally, showing emotions "humanize" people, but breaking that barrier is hard. To some, showing emotions show vulnerability. Your emotions can definitely get the best of you, no matter how hard you try you can't control them. Cry now or cry later. You're gonna cry. Your emotions are yours and only yours. Emotions are the one thing that no one can take away from you.

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression along with borderline bipolar after I lost my mom makes me question my emotions at times. I don't know if I had these issues before her death, but it does make me wonder if I am only acting out on the absence of her? Like, would I be happy if she was here, or would I be the way that I am now? I think they are pretty logical questions but they serve as brainteasers because this is something I will never have the answers to.

I practice showing my emotions on a daily basis. I cry, I scream, laugh, frown, and even break shit (*whispers* that's my emotion for MAD). However I feel, I think you should know. When you find yourself at a crossroad with emotion, you should pick up a healthy habit to assist with dealing with them. Here's some suggestions.

-You're extremely happy? Get together with other happy people. Go shopping, go eat. Keep the mood going,

-You're sad? Call someone that has a positive outlook on situations. They can give you the "boost" you need.

-Mad? Breathe. Take a moment for yourself. Wanna talk to someone? Call someone with a good ear. These people will let you vent their ear off and never say a word. Wanna be alone? Hit the gym, take your frustrations out there or pick up a book.

You may find serenity in other forms as I do. Instead of retail therapy, I'm investing my time into something that's worth more to me and will hopefully reap monetary benefits. Yuup, I'm writing. I pour my heart into my pen so much to where my hand wants to fall off! When you cry so much like me, to where your contacts fall out, you've got a story to tell. I wouldn't care if no one read my stories here on my book, I'm gonna write. It may not change you, but its changing me. I have my emotions and thoughts to guide me.

People think they know you, but you don't even know you. You will never know you. We can change, not by choice but by nature. Human nature gave us what we know as emotions.

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