Dramatic Cunt Rant

Today is one of those days where everyone is on my Shit List. I can't seem to think how the people that I love and support have such a hard time reciprocating that gesture. I am by far a selfish person with my wealth. My wealth being my finances, materialistics, creativity, thoughts, love, or anything positive that I possess greater than others. When I help others, it's because I want to. And for what I reap, it's an immeasurable blessing and benefit. However, I have constantly been shitted on in the past and in the present, and I am about sick of it.

I wrote a blog months ago about supporting your peers. I generally want everyone to win, especially the underdogs. I have supported numerous bull shit business ventures by people because I love when someone is ambitious. Then ambition turns to greed, I immediately want to renege my support. When you have your heart and mind set on something to improve your and others lives, and when the money is coming in like you want, you want to jump into something else that requires more support from me. You trying to wear too many hats and it aint gon' work. These are Jacks of all Trades and Masters of None. Genuine support is hard to come by, and I would appreciate that if I support you, you do the same for me. I have passed so many ideas on to others and have not been properly thanked (support) for. Not to mention, I have discussed my own personal ideas to others to have them SHITTED on and then STOLEN. From now on, I will NOT discuss anything in the future to anyone, nor will I give up my "connect" to anyone. You need something? You go through me or find your own way out. It seems as if that's what I have to do now.

I hate asking for favors anyway. People will say anything and with me it's unnecessary. You can't do somethiing to help me, say that. Don't have me waiting in the dust because you said you can get something done. I can google shit if I wanted, but since you said (without me asking), that you can have it done, and you can't give me results. Just say no. Its okay to reply to my email, with a "No, I am sorry." or "Bitch, I don't work for free!" I totally GET IT. I believe in principle. It can be a favor for a favor, it can be purchased, whatever, I get it. What you don't get is that you can lose out on the biggest blessing by not wanting to help someone else. It doesn't hurt to help- FOR FREE. The sad part is that certain people in my life who deserve what I can offer may not get because I will be extremely selective on what and who I chose to help. Sprinkling Glitter (offering support and motivation) to someone every damn day is starting to be the downfall of my life. I am giving you want I can give to myself. I give you a fucking great idea and there you go. What do I have left for myself? Tears.

There are so many people out there that I don't even know personally or have even met, that send me more motivation than the people I "know". And to those wonderful people, you can get have all of my glitter. As for the others, I can be the "go-to" person for your benefit, but I can't ask you for shit? Seriously, tho? Please evaluate your life. Better yet, let me evaluate mine.

Now that felt good.

Check My Credits, Heaux.

After taking my normal "Stroll on the Blog Walk" yesterday morning, I posted "Complex Obsession: GianMarco Lorenzi" on here. Then after that, I continued whoring onto twitter to link my post. Just then, an updated tweet with a link to a popular gossip site about the same shoes I posted with similar commentary. Okay, coincidence, maybe. Then, I noticed below that post was a post regarding Shaquille O'neal and ex-wife Shaunie that was stating the same shit I posted months ago. Now a coincidence? Hell Nawl. While, I was flattered to have thought that maybe, just maybe this popular blogger was stanning for Lady Complex on the side line, I also didn't want to feel like someone just straight up raped me for my writing(s). I went on a rant on twitter, just to make sure I wasn't trippin'. However, most did agree that the posts were way to similar, and too close together.

 This type of mess happens in the blogosphere, typically with celebrity gossip bloggers. While I am not against them, I do read some on a daily, it's just not my thing. I have stated numerous times before that I don't "do" gossip, and just because I don't name drop, I do know people and I could kill it if I wanted to.  The "Celebrity" thing? Not me. When I get info, I got it from the horses mouth. I dont speak on here say. And if I chose to speak on something pertaining to "gossip" (ie, Shaq and Shaunie), I will speak on it generally, and trust my info is CORRECT. I'm not looking for a "sponsor" so I dont need celeb gossip to bring me fame. I'm going to work hard for this shit...and not sell ass doing so. But, since I am not a gossip blogger, I didn't think my shit was up for grabs.

It's a known fact that bigger bloggers will take smaller bloggers stories and use it as their own. It's ridiculous because these same "Brand" bloggers were exactly where we (so many dope bloggers I know) are now. Fighting for notarity and accolades. But those who continuously bicker with others about stealing pictures or giving due credit and links, don't do the same for others. They probably go on thinking that since I'm a No Name Brand (generic) Blogger, no one is checkin' for me. Chile, boom. Blogging is hard work, especially when you are a writer-type blogger. No one can just jump into this thinking its so easy. They for one should know this.

I mean, I could've said something directly. I hope this shit doesnt happen again with this particular hussy. Then, yes, I'mma get out my box and get direct with a mofo. Until time shows it's ugly ass (again), I'm going to continue to blog about what matters to me and vouch for my fellow No Name Brand Bloggers.

 FYI: I will cut a heaux about my shit.

Riding Shot Gun in the Pussy Wagon

If you're not in the Lady GaGa Stan Van, bi***, you lost. Gaga and Honey Bey (yass) premiered the 10 minute long "Telephone" vid last nite on E. I be damned. These hoes are HOT. Just check the pix and commentary from Your Girlfriend's Girlfriend and her friends...

The Coke can rollers, leather stud jacket and the bikini under? I'm getting "Who's That Girl" fever.

*punches the air like Lady GaGa*

Honey Bey (yass) was giving me straight H-Town Raunch. How do I breeve?

GaGa and Honey Bey makes me wanna be a better, badder Biatch.

I wanna ride in the Pussy Wagon. Like, I wanna ride bitch. In the middle of GaGa and Honey Bey.

Do you see what these Biatches brang to the table?

Conquering All Fears

As I conquer the smaller goals I have placed, I think of the future I could have. In order to be more successful, I have to conquer my fears as well. As we all know, one of my huge fears, or as I like to call it, my anchor, is being social. With the help of my dear friend Terry Thierry, I am on a "Social Mission". In order to find my place in the blogosphere, I must find my place in an off-the-internet type social setting. Yes, Lady Complex will be live and in the flesh.

For those who know me personally, I am far from shy and knowing me is loving me. I've been told there is no "grey area", nor is their a "hate area". Sounds so beautiful, but that's when the anchor holds me down. I am not initially personable, to anyone. I am approachable, but not the approaching one. I believe I come off controlling and dominating due to my strong personality and some people dont take well to that type of approach. In a normal social setting, if no one initiates a conversation with me, we'll be sitting there silent. I am cordial and acknowledge all who is around me, but that's my limit. For so long, I just summed it all up to some people have it (personality) and some people don't. But that's not all true. I have it, I just don't want to use it. Or let's now say, I didn't want to use it- in the past.

What does this mean? Me, blooming into a social butterfly, stepping out on life and on faith, and letting my guard down. I am excited, I mean, I want to meet new people. And yes, I am ready to meet new people. I've been living in Houston for 4 years now, I should've meet more people than I have. I no longer want to be skeptical of people and possible motives, cause frankly, I don't want anyone to be skeptical of me. I just wanna live and be LIVE! For what was holding me down for so long, hopefully will be no more.

When I began the site, I set small goals so I dont aim for much to only fail, successfully. So far, so wonderful. Which is why I take so much pride into my work. I only want to write about things that are true to me and what I believe. Although some may not agree, but I wanted to create a space for those who can agree to disagree. As for those who will call their followers fans, I'd rather treat mine with more respect to call them "supporters". Is there a difference? To me, yes. But, dont ask me to explain, it only makes sense to me. *wink*

Just when I think I can't take anymore and I feel the need for a spontaneous vacay from civilization, I recieve an email, text or tweet from one of my supporters who tell me how much they appreciate my writing. Then some mornings, I'll recieve an email from a website/ blog offering me a guest entry on their site. It's a complete accomplishment to feel needed in what some may call life. If I want sh** done the way I want it done, I need to get to talking. I can imagine the limitless opportunities I can recieve if I just open up.

Let me honor my calling by conquering this fear and retract my anchor.

Big Things Poppin'

Divine Confirmations

Throughout my entire life, I always felt like I had some sort of spritual connection to the after life. I am not clear why and how I actually feel when it hits me, but it's almost like a breath of fresh air when I do connect.  My dreams are filled with my loved ones who have passed, where they are always healthy, but for some reason they never speak. Almost as they are just looking out for me, guiding me on a path.

It first started the day after my grandfather passed. You know those dreams where they are like reality? Where I fell asleep, is where I woke up that he was walking through the door. He passed me a yellow post-it note that said "I'm sorry." Once I read it, I woke up trying to tell my family he was alive. But I quickly realized I was just dreaming. Since then, I have always felt like he was watching over me, but never near me.  Two days after I moved to Charlotte, NC, I crawled into bed, laid on my stomach and pulled the cover over half of my face. I heard footsteps coming closer towards me and an overwhelming cold wind came over me, whatever it was, it wouldn't let me turn around. As it came over me, I felt a sense of peace, like whoever this was, was only making sure I was okay. As the cold air went away, so did the footsteps. I called my mom to share my experience. I told her that for some reason I felt like it was grandpa. She reminded me it could be, I was his favorite that and that he probably didn't want to scare me. Funny because during my mom's illness and closer to her passing, she always said her father was watching her. He would never say anything, he was just standing there, on her left side. When she passed, her head was tilted to the left, where a picture of her dad had been for 8 years, looking at him. After that day, I never seen my grandpa or felt him near me. It's been her. I see her in my dreams all the time. Here and there, I'll find a card, or a picture or an item of sentiment that reminds me of her.

This past Saturday, I was driving home when Boyz II Men "Mama" came on the radio. I proceeded to dial her cell number. When I looked at my phone and it read "Mom Cell", I immediately hung up. Clearly, I had an out-of-body and mind experience. I couldn't contain myself. I cried all night. I begged for her to visit me in my dreams. She never came. Until this morning at work. My coworker was cleaning out an old desk and brought us a stack of folders and paperwork to go through and make sure it was nothing important. As we skimmed through the documents, I found this:

This is what I call a divine confirmation.

She faxed this to me on 12/13/2005. How amazing?

She answered.

LifeStyle 101

"When will women stop letting men dictate the way they chose to live?"

This is a question I ask myself everyday. The answer in general is probably never. Lifestyle, in my opinion, is however you chose to live you life. It could be if you want to see women, men, or both, have a group of friends that are tasteless, who you want to sleep with, classifying you as a heaux from how many you dated, if you are over weight or underweight, beautiful or ugly. Who is anyone to tell you who you are and you accept it? Some females have the nerve to get upset when a man approaches them with this. They even let this foolishness shift the way they feel. It's called confidence people. Love me or leave me alone.

There are things people question about the opposite sex that will never be answered to your liking. Despite what you've heard, all questions are not asked to be answered. When the answer is given, it's their truth. It doesn't have to be yours. Just accept and move on. Not every man will like you, find you attractive, or even agree with everything you have to say. What can you do but live? When I stopped questioning the why's and what's of what a man will do and won't do, I got a man. A damn good one at that. No man will do ever do everything you expect them to as a "man". We don't fall to everything a woman is said to do, why should they? I don't cook, but according to some men, as a "woman" I should. My truth is that doesn't make me less of a woman. I expect my man to take my car get washed, inspected and oiled, he doesn't though. That doesn't make me question his manhood.

Am I saying that majority of women/ men who continuously question the opposite sex may be the reason why they are single? Kind of. See, most women, who in previous relationships, who have been the victim of infidelity have the approach that once a cheater, always a cheater. Not necessarily. They pin the blame on all men, but forget that if they had been the cheater in a relationship, they wouldn't want the same title. I have cheated in my previous and current relationship. I wouldn't consider myself a serial cheater but, I would hate if my partner didn't trust me to say that I would do it again. Being in a relationship with someone who has a past or who is more experienced with the opposite is always questionable, however, people do change and routines change as well. You can change, but why can't he?

Although it may seem as if I am taking the men's side, I am not. I have merely been the guilty and victim of everything spoken about. I will be friends with whomever, I will date anyone I choose, and I will eat, sleep, and sh** on my own time. Maybe I am the only one left who believes in "All is fair in love and war."

Inside the Complex Inbox: Love me or, well Love me!

I made my first posts on Monday the 18th, 2 days on the job and I got already what I called “Hate Mail”. This email was from an old friend from college with whom I hadn’t “spoke” within a few months. I use the term “spoke” loosely, because we have chatted over FaceBook, but not over the phone or in person. Unfortunately, this queen assumed my post “How Many of Us Have Them” was referring to her. In so many emails, I expressed to her that the post clearly wasn’t referring to her and that even if it were, those are experiences that happened to ME in MY life and if someone were involved with me in a particular situation I have the right to speak on it without disclosing any names. Though, I’m not accountable for anyone’s feelings, I do this as therapy. While, I won’t be the one to put someone directly on blast (unless necessary), however I did consider posting all of the exchanged emails. Fortunately, the friendship was salvaged. #OnToTheNext.
After receiving those ever so emotional emails, here comes another. Instead, it’s from the Superwoman Lisa Rogers thanking me for the well-worded interview. That turned my day around. =) I expressed my gratitude for her allowing me to interview her.

I have succeeded twice and I have arrived! I am so grateful. POW!