Friday, June 18, 2010

Loyalty is Vintage

I'd like to think I am a good friend, however so much has happened in the last year I'm going to step back and see what is really going on. With that being said, be prepared for a plethora of posts about these friends of mine. It's inevitable that all things must come to end, but damn, from what I thought was that a relationship I've had with someone was meant to be 'til death. Ultimately, it was the death of a friendship that ended it first. While, I won't go into details, what happen in the last year seems to be more painful to me than it is her. Well, I should only speak for myself here, if she wants to write about it, she can seek her own platform to do so. If you're asking why I am choosing to write this, let's just say what is the point of talking to someone who won't listen? And sometimes it's just time to stop fighting for people who don't see it for you. AND, I blog my problems, don'tcha know? Truth be told, I really don't think many of my personal friends read my blog anyway.
As I grow older physically and mentally and experience more, my judgment is shifted. I seem to understand the laws of the universe and also God's plan a little more each day. Not to mention having a great life coach by the name of Honey Tee, does me well, too. What I am seeing more clearly is that I take my relationships with people more seriously than they do me. Life's not fair, but now it's all about reciprocity. Should I not get in return what I put in? Is that me looking for something in return? When it comes to loyalty, that shit is redundant. If I put in 15 years of loyalty to one friend, I should feel like when I walk away from the friendship, I got 15 years of loyalty from her. Which, now as I attempt to step away I don't feel as though I did. I feel like for the first 14 years I made a friend and also made excuses for her shortcomings. Why? Because I felt as though I was loyal. No one could tell me anything about this girl. I defended her tooth and nail and now as I have entered the 15th year, I am seeing her for all she is worth. That narcissistic and selfish person she is. Once you start calling those fouls, it's time to bust. It came to "You've changed." Well, yes, dear. It's been 15 years, I had to change or adapt. If one can say that out of these 15 years they haven't changed in a sense that "I'm still the same ol' so and so", you need to bag-back and give them room to grow. Call me unfortunate to have lost people or experienced life changing circumstances, but those are fortunate lessons in my opinion.  
It's sad and some may think it's petty for what the last fall out was from, but understand what may be important to me, may not be to you. But as my friend, those things should be one. I won't play in people's individual worlds. Especially when we are suppose to be friends. We have our own world, together and what you do without me is for you, don't include me in that bullshit. If you find someone that will play with you in your little world, then kudo's for you. But all who is with you is damn sure not for you. It's hard for some to decipher those, but once you turn down the noise and remove the shade, all is clearer. But there is a trait that those narcissistic people share, as long as someone is on your side whether you are wrong or right, you are at the top of your game. As long as those people continue to kiss your ass, you'll do whatever they need. Tell me how my ass tastes?
What hurts the most out of this is that after 2 months of not speaking to someone I have talked to everyday for the last year , she seems unscathed. I am not that valuable? I digress. Just not valuable to her. With me, there is no grey area when it comes to my relationships. I'm either with you or I'm not. When I am with you, you have my all, if I am not with you, you know it.
So as I sit back and not only monitor this relationship status, I'll be observing all of you. My time is valuable, and not in a monetary sense. It's called loyalty, integrity, principality, and humility.
"Loyalty is Vintage" is coined by Miss Brook Lynne Carter

1 comment:

Sunshyne said...

Seems like you two have grown apart and your friend may have checked out of the relationship some time ago w/o telling you.

With any relationship that has gone on for so long it's hard to come to terms with the end. We all wish that our loved ones could come to us and say what's on their mind, but in reality they usually don't.

You just gotta accept that you two are in two different places now and move on.