Friday, June 4, 2010

Hey, Big Spender!

Oh, hey Mr. Baller guy. Yea, you. The one with the iced out peice and chain, True Religion jeans, clinching that bottle of Grey Goose like you're choking your chicken. Sit down for a minute, let me rap to you.

Have you ever been anywhere before? Like, outside of "your" city? Yes? And you ask me "why?" Honey, it's not so hard. You are acting as if you never held a bottle of water in your hand and that your mom didn't teach you to act a gentleman in public. How much did you pay for this section? And how much is your rent? Well, I know you aren't paying a mortgage, so...  Oh you wanna teach this "lil' mama" something. Me? I think this conversation is a little too much for the club scene. Let me give you my card, we should do dinner. Meet me at Vic and Anthony's, 7pm sharp.

What do you mean you don't know where Vic and Anthony's is? Oh, you forgot. Let me give you the address, put it in your GPS. I mean, you have one of those right? They come standard on everything including a calculator. Okay. I'll be at the bar, with a nice bottle of Chateau Mouton Rothschild 1992. Why are you quiet? You do like wine, right? Hmm, well, I'll see you in a few.

Hello, there. You must've also forgot to leave your jeans and v-neck at home. Vic and Anthony's don't play that. Now we're subject to sit at the bar. Anyhow, so you said you've been productive today. What's your definition of "productive"? Oh, so you laid in bed and counted money, eh? Must be nice. Takes quite a skilled individual to count money while sleeping. Moving on, I'll take a crabcake for an appetizer and Pan Seared Snapper for my entree. Why are you staring at the menu like that? Did you forget what they serve here also? We must re-introduce you to nice places again. How long has it been? Oh, you just been traveling so much. So, tell me where have you been? Too many places to name, huh? Boy, you must have beaucoup frequent flyer miles. Rightttt. You only want a salad? Sorry, garcon, he would like the same as I. Yes, I ordered for you. You should eat. *laughs* Garcon is just trying to lay your napkin on your lap and hand you your utensils. You shouldnt be shocked, you've been MAJOR places.

Dinner was great, wouldn't you say? Alright? The wine, you didn't try. So, where are you off to now? You have a section and 8 bottles of Rose' at the club. Fun times. Thanks, garcon, he has the ticket. Excuse me? Yes, I knew the bottle of wine was $700. I know I didn't drink all of it, either. I thought you liked the finer things as do I? I mean, I go by what I see. You were and will pop bottles in the club tonight. And you did say you counted your money while sleeping all day. Is the $900 tab going to run you short for your section and 8 bottles of Rose'? Oh, I'm so sure. Heh. Garcon, here's my card. And you, Mr. Baller guy, you can drown in your bottles of Grey Goose and Rose'. Right along with the other thirsty whores, men and women. You are no longer needed in these parts. Good Day.


Markai said...

He probably thought garcon was the dude's name with his wack ass.

Sha'ahn said...

LOVE IT! So funny. YOur posts just keep getting better!

sparkschronicles said...

This one is a classic! I love it! Guys are always trying to be flashy like they are big pimpin but in reality they are just hood fabulous! They have no idea what luxury consists of. Carry on.