Thursday, July 22, 2010

Barking Bitch Syndrome

Can we just pretend like I never took that brief hiatus? Okay, cool.
Over the course of weeks, I have come across major disappointments, but more recently I came up with a little concept that has helped me and I think many of you can agree with. It's a little thing called a metaphor. I posted "Barking bitches should stay outside." on my twitter and Facebook accounts to see the reaction I would get. People may have liked, but to actually understand what it means, I don't know. Grant me this opportunity to explain.

I'll pose this question: When do dogs bark? Majority of the time, they bark when they want something. Whether its more food, a tennis ball, they need to shit or they want you to pet them. Whatever it is, you must commit your time and cater to them until they shut up. Do you think that if you wouldn't give a dog what they are barking for, that they would still be loyal to you? Let's say you had a friend over and Barking Bitch is constantly barking and won't shut up. Your friend proceeds to give Barking Bitch the attention they are crying for, now your dogs loyalty has "shifted" to your friend. Luckily, it's only momentary. You may begin to feel a little remorseful for how you may have treated Barking Bitch, so in return you give Barking Bitch your undivided attention. A nice bath, good food, daily walks, treats, a game of fetch or whatever Barking Bitch likes. Life is good for Barking Bitch as long as she eats, she plays, she shits, and she gets all of your attention and the others around you. Let's face it, most dogs require EVERYONE'S attention, like a little circus dog.

Then, Barking Bitch gets horny. She wants all she can get. You haven't seen or heard the barking in days, maybe weeks. She gallivants the streets, finds new Barking Bitches to run with and lives a wild, sexy life- without you. But when all the fun is over with, because it only lasts so long, she's at your door, begging to no avail. By now, Barking Bitch knows your loyalty and will continue to test you. Barking Bitch is eating good again, sleeping in your bed, she chews up your most fabulous garments, and fascinate your company with silly little tricks to gain attention. She evades your privacy and life. You wake up at all hours of the night to take Barking Bitch outside, because she alone, cannot do it herself. Unknown to you, you continue to allow Barking Bitch to elude your mind and space on behalf of what loyalty is, not realizing Barking Bitch is just a dog and well, a dog is a dog. And on the norm, a dog will shit where they eat. They even eat other dogs shit. Literally.

See Barking Bitches are something like the people we encounter in our daily lives. Just because the term bitch is being used, it doesn't just refer to women. Oh, no. We all know plenty male bitches. It's just harder to identify those as such, well, they just prefer another name, pussy, which is just the same. Think about where I said "you wake up all hours of the night to take Barking Bitch outside." Now turn that into "I answer a call from this friend at any time when they need me." But see, a dog can't answer when you need them. *light bulb* 

A Barking Bitch is saying a lot, but at the same time NOT doing shit. Translation: The one who is saying the most is doing THE FUCKING MOST. And that is not a good thing. You see a Barking Bitch, leave that dog outside. They should wear signs right? Beware of the Barking Bitch. She won't bite though.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Absolutely Amazing!